“Yes,” I say, because it is the only thing to say. I’m not going to deny that Monty emptied me. It is nothing to be embarrassed about.
Concern flows over Jade’s face, and he places his other hand on top of mine. “How was it?”
I swallow. “Fine.” It was far more than fine, but I am nowhere near ready to share that.
Jade stares at me intensely for a few heartbeats. “You are so brave.”
“No, I’m not,” I squirm.
“Yes you are,” he insists. “I’m not sure I could.”
I watch in dismay as the familiar shame clouds Jade’s eyes.
“You will be ready one day,” I tell him. “Or you won’t. It doesn’t matter.”
Jade’s shoulders slump, and he looks down at our joined hands. “Even if I was ready. Who would want me?”
“Jade!” I gasp. “You are lovely!”
He says nothing. He just keeps his head bowed and his shoulders slumped. I can all but taste his shame and devastation.
“The right person won’t blame you for being assaulted,” I say softly, but firmly.
He glances up at me briefly and gives me a weak smile. Poor Jade. I hate what the harem has done to him. I pray that one day he is free of it.
I hope what I said to him is true. That there are nice people out there. Somewhere.
I wonder what Monty thinks of my past? Clearly, he can overlook it for the sake of gaining magic, but would he be able to brush it aside for a boyfriend?
Oh gosh! Why am I thinking such thoughts?
Monty is never going to be interested in a relationship with me. Our arrangement is one of convenience. Nothing more.There is absolutely no point in allowing my thoughts to wander down a dead-end path.
Romance has never been part of my destiny. I was born a vessel. I was assigned a role of subservience from my very first breath. My fate was to be given away in an arranged marriage.
Ritchie may have exploded into my life and changed that. But really only a little. Instead of serving a mage, I served him. And his friends. I did as I was told and performed what was expected of me. My body was used.
All in all, it was only the finer details of my destiny that were changed, not the fundamentals. Those seem set in stone. Unescapable. Unavoidable.
I am a vessel. I will always need a mage. Even if by some miracle I met someone, I’d still need to see Monty, or a different mage, regularly. The chances of finding someone who would be fine with that, as well as my past in the harem, are slim to none.
No, romance and love are for other people. Not for me. I will never experience it. The fates decided that, the very moment I was born.
Oh by the gods, now I’ve gone and thoroughly depressed myself. As well as Jade. He bounced in here all exuberant and bright eyed, and now look at him. Some friend I am.
“We need to celebrate!” I declare loudly.
Jade’s head snaps up, and he blinks at me. “We do?”
“Of course! Getting a job is something to celebrate!” I say with a confidence I am not feeling.
I’m pretty sure I’m right. Normal people obtain jobs and then celebrate the fact. I’m sure I’ve seen it in movies and television shows. I grew up amongst the nobility, where people either lived off the income from their estates and investments, or if they were employed, it was positions their family had arranged for them. So, I don’t have any real life experience. But I am fairly confident.
Anyway, this is our home, our found family. If we want to make celebrating getting a job a custom, then we bloody well should do exactly that.
“How?” asks Jade.
I grin. “By rounding up the others and eating all the ice cream in the freezer.”
