“I’ll pick up Noah,” I say.
Ned bristles. “I can do it!”
“I know you can,” I say gently. “But I’d like to pick Noah up anyway. It has been a few days since I have.”
Ned’s shoulders stay tense and rigid for a few moments. Then they sag.
“If you are sure.”
I smile. “I am.”
It’s not like Ned to give in, and I like that he has. It feels like a victory. Like I have earned his trust. And it seems like a step towards dissipating this horrible awkwardness that is lingering between us.
“Oscar, Lottie, do you want to come with me or stay with Ned?”
“Come with you!” they both squeal while jumping up and down.
Their enthusiasm is contagious and now I’m grinning like a crazy person. My main motivation was to stop Nedfrom making himself sick, but actually, I could really do with this. Spending time with my children is far more enjoyable than spreadsheets.
“Come on then!” I say as I herd them out of the door and towards the car, grabbing my keys as I go.
I look back over my shoulder and see Ned standing in the doorway. He looks forlorn and all alone. As if we are leaving him behind forever and not just for the school run.
It makes my heart clench. I’ll be back in twenty minutes. I will have to wait until then to check if he is okay. Perhaps our embarrassing encounter last night has unsettled him far more than I have realized? He could be worried that I’m going to fire him, or some nonsense like that.
Getting two kids into the car and buckled into their respective seats takes far longer than it should. I’m terrible at this, while Ned makes it look effortless. I swear he has the patience of a saint. I truly don’t understand how a twenty-year-old is so good with young kids.
By the time I return to the house, having successfully picked up Noah and gotten all three kids back into the car, I’m a frazzled mess. I love my kids and I adore spending time with them, but there is no way I could do this every day by myself. Plenty of people cope as single parents and I admire them so much. It’s pathetic, but I just don’t think I am cut out for it. And that’s okay, because I don’t need to be good at doing it by myself. I have Ned and he is a godsend.
I unlock the front door of the house and the kids barrel past me. I follow them to the kitchen and I’m just in time to glimpse Ned scrubbing ferociously at the sparkling clean counter, before he turns to catch Noah, who has launched himself at him.
I watch as Ned hugs my son, and then gently puts him down. Noah is excitedly rattling off all the events of his day. Ned looks down at him with rapt attention and the biggest, softest smile I have ever seen.
Oh gosh. I can feel my heart actually melting. It is turning to goo. I don’t think this is an inappropriate, dirty and sleazy infatuation. I think it is far more than that. I cannot believe it has taken me so long to realize this.
Ned is perfect. In every way. My kids adore him, and everyone says that children are excellent judges of character. And he clearly adores my kids in return.
He is kind and sweet and takes no bullshit.
But most of all, I’d give anything. Absolutely anything, to see him smile at me like that.
Oh fuck. This can’t be happening. I cannot fall in love with my nanny. For so very many reasons.
But I have a horrible, sinking feeling that it is far too late to stop it from happening. It is etched in my bones and my fate is sealed.
Oh shit, shit, shit. What the hell am I going to do?
Chapter seven
Ned
Ugh. I can’t believe it is time to feed again. Hopefully, this time won’t be so eventful. I’ve blocked WellHung45, and if Morgan makes a new account, well, I know what he looks like naked now. In intricate detail. You could show me any random square inch of his flesh and I’d recognize him instantly.
So, no, last time’s disaster is never, ever happening again. And this stupid disappointment I feel at that, can go do one. Why on earth would I want a repeat of that calamity?
Things still aren’t back to normal. Every time I turn around, Morgan is staring at me with a strange look in his eyes. I don’t think he is going to fire me, because surely he would have done so by now if it was on his mind? But fuck know’s what has got into him lately. All I can do about it is try not to ruffle any more of his feathers and wait for this storm to pass.
Tonight, I’m going to feed as quickly as possible and then get the hell home. Comfy slippers and a good book is all I want. By all rights, I should be relaxing in a nursing home without a care in the world. Not still dealing with all the bullshit life brings.
