I stare up at him as my heart pounds. The palm of my hand tingles. Oh shit, I put my hand on his thigh.
Ned’s face is very pale, and his eyes are enormous. His breaths are coming in short, rapid bursts.
My stomach roils with cold horror. Oh fuck. This is far more than outrage at your sleazeball of a boss getting handsy.
I carefully put my drink down, then I raise my hands in surrender.
“I’m so sorry Ned.”
I’m not going to insult him with a lame excuse. Saying that I didn’t mean anything by it, that I forgot where I was, or that the whisky has gone to my head, is all pathetic. None of it is going to make this any better.
Ned takes a big shuddery breath. “Please don’t fire me.”
What the actual fuck? That’s what is going through his head? My poor sweet boy.
“Ned, the fault is mine. I’m not going to fire you.”
He takes another deep breath. His relief is almost palpable. But there is still a frantic look in his eyes. A wild animal caught in a trap, thrashing helplessly against impending death.
“I know you didn’t mean… I know you wouldn’t.” He shudders. “I’m sorry I freaked out.”
I stare at him. I hate this. I hate it so much. I hate that someone has hurt this lovely young man so very badly. I wish I could hunt them down and give them what they deserve.
“I’m sorry I freaked you out,” I say as gently as I can.
Ned winces and closes his eyes. Oh shit. I’m such an idiot. I hate sympathy. I shouldn’t go flinging it around. I should have known that Ned would not appreciate it.
“I’ve gotta go,” says Ned, still with his eyes closed.
I nod my understanding even though he can’t see me.
“Are you going to be okay? Will one of your flatmates be home?”
He shouldn’t be all alone when he is this upset and rattled. I can’t bear the thought of it. I wish I could be the one to comfort him, but I’m the monster who has unsettled him.
“Yeah,” Ned says weakly.
Then he turns and leaves. I sit uselessly on the sofa and listen to the sound of his car driving away until I can’t hear a thing. He has gone and I’m the one who is all alone.
Oh Ned. Sweet Ned. Why is the world so cruel and unfair? How could something so hideous have happened to him? And how is he still so lovely? There truly is no justice in the world.
I take a deep breath and run my hands over my face. I need to treat Ned with the respect that he deserves. I need to keep my distance. Like I should have been doing in the first place. The last thing he needs is his middle-aged boss drooling over him and adding to his trauma.
His workplace should be a safe place.
From now on, I’m going to keep things strictly professional.
It is the way it has to be.
Chapter five
Ned
One year later
“Ned, wake up!”
Lello’s voice lances through my brain.
