And I don’t want to leave Selwyn. For many reasons. I think I want to help him with his noble plans to save the world. I think I want to stay for romantic reasons too.
“He has loved me for a long time. Longer than I have known him,” I say, reminding Monty of what I told him earlier.
It feels a little like a betrayal of Selwyn’s secrets, but I think it is worth it. Monty is bound to be reassured by the fact I am with someone who loves me.
My brother winces in sympathy. He has a very good point. Unrequited love must be a torture like no other.
A look of guilt flashes across his face, and he quickly turns away. Almost as if he always knew Selwyn loved me, and was keeping it from me. But that can’t be right. There is no way he could have known such a thing.
“But do you love him?” Monty asks softly, jarring my thoughts to the present.
It is a fair point, albeit an overly idealised one. I don’t need to love him to be safe and happy. He loves me, so he is going to do everything in his formidable power to protect me.
My brother waits patiently for my answer. Monty is in love. It sounds as if everyone he lives with is also in love. Love has shaped his world. Coloured it. He doesn’t just want the same for me. He expects it.
Answers swirl through my mind, some of them even reach the tip of my tongue.
Possibly. I’m starting to. I believe I will in the future.
Then abruptly, my heart leaps up and takes over. It pushes all my sensible thoughts away.
“Yes!” I hear myself exclaim.
Monty’s eyes widen, and he blinks in surprise.
I taste the truth of my declaration on my tongue. I love Selwyn. Now. Today. Already. It may not make any sense, but it is true nonetheless.
I am in love with my husband.
As I open the door to my rooms, I wipe the last of my tears away. Saying goodbye to Monty was hard. He got weepy too. We hugged, and I promised to visit soon. I’m sure Selwyn will indulge me in that. Once everything has calmed down.
Selwyn freezes mid-pace. He stares at me. I stare back. I wasn’t expecting him to be in our sitting room. I certainly wasn’t expecting him to be pacing frantically.
“You have decided to stay?” he asks with such fragile, tentative hope, that my heart nearly bursts.
“Yes,” I say.
Then I run up to him and throw myself into his arms. He catches me and holds me tightly, and a stubborn hope ignites in my chest. Everything is going to be all right. I’m going to make it so.
This party is busy. Normally I would hate it, but since I am here with a purpose, I am finding it bearable. Even though there are several pets fornicating in the middle of the room, as entertainment. I really am becoming brave. Of course, having Loki with me helps.
As does the fact that the crowd is thick enough to obscure the entertainment if I stay towards the edges of the room.
Even so, it is not that I’m feeling fully brave. Nervousness is making my legs tremble. However, that is because of what I am about to attempt, not simply because I am here.
My mind frantically runs through the plan again, even though it is simple enough. I’m so glad that I had the chance to talk through everything with Monty. He got all of the brains from Papa, and left me with none at all. He is definitely the smart one.
Monty helped me to come up with this plan, so I know it is a good one. His demon friend added some dark and delightful suggestions. And then I ran the whole thing by Selwyn, and he doesn’t think I’m crazy.
Jamie, Ollie, Blake and the princes would all approve of what I am about to attempt. All in all, there are a lot of people on my side. They have my back. For the first time in my life, I can afford to be brave.
I take a deep breath. And then another, because I am not quite ready yet.
Selwyn glances over from his usual gaggle of admirers. He nods and flashes me a quick, secret smile.
My lungs fill one more time. Okay, I can do this.
I force my feet to move and then, all of a sudden, I am striding towards Mother, with Loki loping beside me.
