He holds out his hand. “May I?”
I give him the letter and he quickly reads it while Jamie and I stare expectantly at him. After a short while, he clears his throat.
“His highness understands that before you joined the court, you were homeless. Therefore, he has gifted you a home.”
Selwyn lowers the letter and stares right at me. “He has given you Windsor Castle.”
I stagger backwards a few steps. Jamie takes my elbow and guides me over to a settee and sits me down.
This is all too surreal. It can’t be real. A castle? And not just any castle, Windsor Castle. I’ve seen pictures of that. It was the old human queen’s favourite or something. And it is huge and just outside London.
It is just as bizarre as being given Big Ben, London Bridge or Stonehenge. I cannot possibly process this. It is too much and now my head is spinning.
Emotions begin to bubble up. Familiar ones. Ones that I know far too well. I am feeling ashamed and awkward. My old, constant companions.
But perhaps these feelings are actually justified this time? Because, while I was shaken and overwhelmed by what happened with Tristan…I don’t think it was that awful. Certainly not on the scale of, needing to be given a castle to make up for it, level of bad.
But then again, my calibration for bad shit, is all messed up because I don’t have many good life events to balance the shit with.
My gaze tracks around the room full of gifts and I clutch my castle letter to my chest. Everyone is acting as if what Tristan did to me is such a big deal. So maybe they are right and I’m underplaying it?
But Tristan hasn’t apologised. He hasn’t sent me flowers or priceless works of art. He hasn’t sent me a thing.
My heart clenches painfully. I’m being ridiculous. Tristan is not my husband. There is no marriage to save. It is an entirely different situation.
“Rhydian is requesting to see you,” Selwyn says to Jamie.
Jamie sucks in a breath. “No,” he says decisively. “He can’t throw his obnoxious wealth at every problem and expect it to be solved. He needs to put the emotional labour in.”
My eyebrows rise. Wow. Jamie is a tough bitch. I’m pretty sure if someone gave me all this, I’d melt. I’d completely cave and forgive him. Especially if the whole drama started because he lost his shit and demanded a jerk was punished for upsetting me.
It is all proper swoony if you ask me. So I guess that makes me easy, and maybe that’s my problem? I’m too easy and that’s why no one wants me?
I snort derisively at myself. Yeah right. As if. I know damn well it is because I’m a bad tempered, unpleasant bastard.
That’s never going to change. Mid-twenties is far too old for a personality transplant. I am who I am. My only regret is allowing myself to believe that Tristan might be able to handle me. And that he might even enjoy the challenge.
Clearly not. I was a fool to get my hopes up. I’m not worth trouble with his brother. Which is fair enough. Why would I be? It is the whole reason he punished me in the first place, so he is hardly going to run to me now with roses clenched between his teeth.
It still hurts, though. And I don’t think that is entirely unreasonable. Most people would be sad in my situation. Nobody wants to be alone forever.
Chapter fifteen
Ican’t believe I’m wearing a fur coat. It is very warm and super comfortable, but it really isn’t anything I’d ever thought I’d be doing. It is one more example of just how utterly my life has changed. I’m dressed in furs and wandering around the grounds of Windsor Castle, that apparently, I flipping own now.
We’ve toured the inside, but evidently that is not good enough and we have to inspect the outside too. It is all rather exhausting.
Jamie is bouncing along beside me, rabbiting on about something or other. Interior design ideas, I think. As if I’m going to take on the task of decorating an entire castle. No thanks. It looks just fine the way it is.
I’m glad he is enjoying himself, though. Someone should be. I’m just going to try to forget everything and focus on the fresh air and the freeing feeling of being outside. It is another sunny day. This winter has been unusually full of them, and the sunlight is quite lovely. It is really annoying to discover that a walk is actually good for one’s mental health. Damnit.
Selwyn is striding along with us, but like me, he seems content to let Jamie do all the talking. A couple of guardsare trailing a few steps behind us, making the whole thing seem like an excursion.
I’m not used to company. To being part of a crowd. Hells, I’m not used to any of this.
At least I’m not feeling as fuzzy as I was. I am a lot less dazed. It feels like my brain is functioning again. Which is great and all, but now all I can think about is how it felt to be over Tristan’s lap. And not just in a horny way, because yes, the orgasms were amazing, at least at first. But it was what happened later that was truly spectacular.
The feeling of finally being able to let everything go. Of no longer bottling it up and burying it deep inside. That really felt good. Cleansing. Even life changing. And I’m not sure if I would ever have got there sweetly and gently. Because part of what made it possible was Tristan’s dominance and the feeling that it was safe to fall because I was in the arms of someone strong enough to catch me.
