“Thank you, Sammy. I promise to do everything in my power to make this right for you.”
Sammy smiles, a small and understanding smile that seems to sink into my soul. “I know you will. And I’m here with you every step of the way.”
Chapter twelve
Sammy
Waking up alone feels all kinds of wrong. And that’s super puzzling because over my life, I’ve been alone far more than I haven’t. Jeez, my longest relationship was a whole three months long.
So this has to be a side effect of the mate bond thing. And isn’t that just as unsettling as hell. I really don’t think I appreciate some unseen thing messing with my mind and my feelings. Well, definitely not when it is something I’ve not drunk, smoked or snorted.
I sigh heavily and flop onto my back. The plain white ceiling stares back at me. The truth is, I have no idea what is the bond, and what is just plain old me. Because, Blue is lovely and I really like him. I know that’s a fact. But where does genuine feeling end and weird mating stuff begin? I have a habit of attaching myself like an emotional leech to people, so a lot of this could easily be all me.
Gah! This is so confusing! Presumably, once Blue figures out how to undo it, everything will become clear. But I don’t want to wait that long. I want to know now.
And…dammit! I roll over and yell into my pillow. Part of me doesn’t want the mate bond to be broken. My very own special person? Someone to love, cherish, and adore? Someone who loves me in return? Well, that’s been my dream since forever. Andgetting to have Blue as my special person? That doesn’t seem bad at all. It actually seems wonderful.
I flop back over and glare at the perfect ceiling. Blue doesn’t want me. Why would he? I’m a used-up mess. Nobody wants me. I learned that long ago.
So, yeah, I guess that makes it simple, actually. It doesn’t matter what feelings are mine and what bits are from the mating stuff. Blue is not interested, so it all has to go. The bond needs to be extracted, and whatever remains, needs to be quashed.
Another sigh escapes me. Well, I’m glad I worked that out. It’s just a shame it has left me feeling too depressed to want to get out of bed.
But I can’t mope around all day. That never does me any good. I need to stay busy so I don’t spiral.
I heave myself out of bed and force myself into the shower. Then I throw on some clothes and head to the kitchen. It’s empty and deserted, but someone’s left a pot of freshly brewed coffee. I fill a mug and take a sip.
Now what do I do with myself?
As I look around the abandoned kitchen, an idea begins to form. Maybe seeing if Mal is home is a good idea? I’ve been keeping my distance, because quite frankly, Gray scares the crap out of me. But Mal is the closest thing to family I have. He took me in when I was at my lowest, and no one else has ever given a shit.
Add in the fact he was recently mated himself, he is easily the perfect person to talk to.
It is worth a shot at least. So, mug of coffee in hand, I head out of the house and around the side to the door to the basement flat. I knock sharply.
“Give us ten minutes!” Mal calls out breathlessly.
My nose wrinkles. “Eww, gross!” Then I remember how scary Gray is. “I mean, sex is a very important part of a healthy relationship!”
There is no reply to that, and I’m not going to listen too hard. Mal didn’t say to go away, so I guess I’ll just stand here like an idiot. At least I have a coffee to sip. And it’s a fairly nice morning. Cloudy and overcast, but it’s not raining.
The door yanks open suddenly, and I jump. Mal and Gray stare back at me. Mal’s only wearing a pair of jeans and Gray is in that fluffy white bathrobe he likes. They still look strange together in my eyes. Gray looks even younger than me, while Mal looks like someone’s grandpa. Admittedly, someone’s heavily tattooed, dangerous as fuck, biker grandad, but still.
The thought that Gray is actually the older one, by a few thousand years, is too hard for me to wrap my head around.
“So he told you then?” says Mal.
My jaw drops open as pain lances through my heart. Mal knew, and he didn’t tell me?
“Come in, I’ll make you a cup of tea,” he says.
I lift up my cup to show him that I have a drink, but Gray snatches it from my fingers, takes a gulp, and sighs appreciatively before disappearing back into the flat.
“That…will be lovely,” I say weakly.
Mal nods and stands aside so I can enter. I head for the tiny kitchen and take a seat at the two seater table.
Mal pops the kettle on and starts rummaging around the cupboards. I can’t see a coffee machine in here so I guess that’s why Gray was keen to steal my coffee.
