“All good,” he says. “Take it easy for the next day, but other than that, as good as new.”
“Thanks,” says Mal.
Brodie turns to me. “Can I go now?”
Mal raises one eyebrow. A blush threatens to invade my face.
“Yes,” I say in my best imperial tone.
The healer turns to go, relief clear in the set of his shoulders.
“Wait!” says Mal sharply. “How is Sammy?”
The flash of jealousy that spikes through me is ridiculous, so I ignore it. Mal doesn’t see Sammy that way. I know this. The man is allowed to have friends and be concerned for others.
Brodie turns back towards the bed. “He is doing better than expected. Red and Lello are looking after him.” He pauses and shoots me a dark look. “He wanted to be here, but Gray wouldn’t allow anyone but me anywhere near you.”
Mal chuckles. Brodie turns and flees. The basement door opens and shuts. We are alone.
“Are you okay, Gray?” asks Mal abruptly.
His tone is near frantic, and worry is clouding his beautiful eyes. All thoughts of Sammy seem to have vanished. I like it.
“Gray! Are you alright?”
I blink. I’m not the one who just nearly died. And dealing with three mundanes is no harder than squishing three bugs. Mal knows this.
“Are they treating you well in Hell? Are you happy? Is anyone giving you grief?”
My heart thuds. Low and heavy. It echoes through me and makes my chest feel hollow. Mal cares. He truly does. I can taste his desperation on my tongue. I left him and he has been drowning in concern for me.
“I’m fine,” I say.
Two pathetic words, when there is so much more I could say. If only I knew where tobegin.
Mal searches my eyes for the truth. Then he sighs in relief and sags back against the pillows.
“I’m sorry,” he says softly, as his eyes close as if the pain of those two words is too much to bear.
Look at us. So much to say and only able to mutter two words at a time at each other. What a pair we make. Yet another sign of how well suited we are.
My chest tightens, and tears threaten to well. Are we suited? Should I forgive him? Can I forgive him? Do I have it in me? After what Theo did to me, is forgiveness a skill I possess?
So many questions and no idea where to find answers.
WhatdoI know? I know I was deeply lost and damaged when Mal found me. I could have hurt a great many people. And I had already accepted that Mal’s control over me was probably for the best. That’s what I believed when I thought his power over me was real. Nothing has truly changed.
I also know that when I heard Mal’s cry for help, I’d never felt more terrified in my life. I’d dropped everything, begged Zephaniah to open a portal for me, and ran to Mal without the slightest hesitation. At the time, I tried telling myself it was knowledge that someone was about to be raped that I was responding to. But I now admit that was a ridiculous lie.
I’m delighted I got to save Sammy. I truly am. It did feel like vengeance and satisfaction. But I’m not some dark superhero. I don’t go around murdering rapists. Although… that’s an excellent idea to put aside for now and think about later.
The point is. Mal called, and I came. I would have moved heaven and earth to save him. In the heat of the moment, there was not a single doubt in my mind. That has to mean something.
And now? Right now? What am I feeling?
Giddying, dizzying relief that Mal is alive and well and safe. A burning desire to be in his arms where I belong. A yearning to forget all about this stupid and pointless grief and put it behind us.
I want Mal, and nothing else matters.
