I look down at the scorched handprints on the table. Evidence of my fury. Maybe Mal’s ownership is a good thing. I’m pretty sure I would have attacked without his command to stop me. Lello and Pink could have been hurt. Lello would have suffered when I killed his mate.
My heart thuds. I twist my hands in my lap. Perhaps submitting to Mal is not such a terrible thing. At least for now. One day, I might heal, might be more in control of myself. Then seeking freedom could be a worthy pursuit.
In the meantime, being under someone’s control is not so bad. In Hell, weaker demons submit to stronger ones in exchange for protection. This is not so very different. Mal is protecting me from myself and protecting others from me. But I think he would also defend me if he needed to.
Mal places a plate of bacon in front of me. It smells divine. My mouth drools, my stomach gurgles. I look up at him for permission.
“You can use your hands,” he says.
I dive in.
A dark thought takes a hold of me. Surrendering and submitting to Mal’s will might not be the best course of action. It might not be a decision at all.
It might be the only thing I can remember how to do.
Chapter eight
“When you have finished that, get dressed. We are going for a walk,” says Mal.
My fork full of scrambled eggs freezes halfway to my mouth. I look up at him. He stares calmly back at me.
Outside? He is going to take me outside? Allow me to see the sky and feel a fresh breeze on my skin? I have no idea what I have done to deserve this. Perhaps it is a gift he will make me pay for later. That sounds reasonable. I’d give anything, do anything, in exchange for spending some time outdoors.
I quickly shovel the rest of my breakfast into my mouth, and then scamper out of the small kitchen and over to the box of clothes by my hammock. I still don’t know what humans wear these days.
Tweed and linen and neck ties don’t seem to be a thing anymore. And hats have completely disappeared. Humans used to be obsessed with covering their heads. Now, I don’t think I’ve seen a single hat since I’ve been lucid.
Humans are so fickle. I think I’ll play it safe and wear clothes very similar to what Mal chose for me before he took me to the restaurant. Trousers in a stiff material he called jeans, and a tight fitting cotton top like the ones he wears. Tee-shirt, I think he said.
I find some black jeans. And a red tee-shirt. I pull them on and hope for the best. Both are very tight but that seems to be the fashion. The color of the tee-shirt reminds me of blood. I like it. But Mal gave me a white one the other day.
I hear him behind me. I whirl to face him. His gaze travels all the way up my body. I smell his appreciation. It makes me want to preen.
“That ass was made for tight jeans,” he drawls. “Incubus or not, those juicy cheeks alone would lead men to sin.”
His words make me shiver. I think he means them as a compliment, but the implication is ominous. Sex is not a sin and I’ve never fed off of a man who didn’t want it. Is that what Mal thinks of me?
“Put some shoes on, and then we can go,” prompts Mal.
I frown. I hate shoes. They stop me from sensing things and hinder my ability to walk up walls and across ceilings. But I do as I’m told.
Mal grins at me and leads me to the front door. Is this the moment the trick is revealed? Is his promise of going outside, merely a taunt and a tease? I bite my bottom lip and try to will my heart to stop beating so fast. I cannot allow him to see how much I want this. He already holds enough power over me.
The door opens and sunshine and fresh air wash over me in great glorious waves. The sky is mostly cloudy, with a few patches of bright blue. It is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.
Mal confidently steps in front of me and strides outside. It’s insulting that he thinks he can turn his back on me. It’s infuriating that it is true. I tried attacking him before, and he put me on my ass. Literally. Now, I’m far more aware of just how dangerous he is. I wouldn’t dare try anything. It fills me with rage that he knows this. Yet at the same time, it is strangely comforting.
I really am a broken, twisted mess. But right now, I’m a broken mess who is outside, under the sky.
Mal leads the way, and I follow dutifully behind. The fresh air is like a bath for my lungs. Cleansing. Healing. Soothing. I can smell all the scents of summer. Warm grass. Sunbaked leaves. Heated earth. Bugs and a million different creatures. It is all so verywonderful.
We make our way around to the back of the house. Seems we are going to walk around it. I don’t mind. A long walk is too much to dream of. I’ve already been given far more than I was expecting.
There are woods beyond the back garden. They look enticing. The song the branches make as they sway in the soft breeze is exquisite. I hope I can hold on to this memory for a long, long time.
The smell of salt water itches at my nose. I didn’t think we were near the sea? As we round a corner of the house, a man-made pool comes into view. Someone dives into it and disappears out of sight. Leaving Lello sitting alone on the edge, gently kicking his legs in the water.
He looks up as we approach, and the little Kelpie smiles warmly at me.
