Or a sucker for foolish hope. They said Jake called it a lover’s quarrel. Is that how he sees me? As his lover? They also mentioned him indicating he wants to claim me. Though they gotta be wrong about that. The clan taught me to bare my neck to the marks I was hunting, to show them that another werewolf hadn’t bitten me and claimed me as their own. Is that really what the omegas were on about? Because it sounds kind of permanent and a whole lot of wonderful. Super official. Like how people used to change their relationship status on Facebook.
Oh my god. I’m acting like a stupid teenager. This is ridiculous. It’s probably just some stupid pack stuff. If I want to leave, it needs to be done formally. Like joining it was. That’s the real reason Jake came after me. Nothing more.
For fuck’s sake. Now I want to cry. I’m not going to, damn it. I have my pride. It’s just about the only thing I do have left. The last remaining thing from my old life.
Far too soon, we are back at the pack house. Jake takes me to his room and I’m so not ready for this. I don’t want to hear what he is going to say. It’s all going to be bad. I shuffle my backpack off and let it drop to the floor, just for something to do.
Jake stares down at me intently and I can see all the gold flecks in his eyes. I’m trapped in his gaze like a mouse before a snake. Except I don’t want to escape. I want to drop to my knees or spread my legs. Whatever Jake wants, I’ll give it to him. He can have every piece of me.
“I should spank you for running away,” he growls and his eyes light up with a hunger I’ve never seen before.
He really wants to beat me. He is excited by the idea. Cold terror twists through my stomach and springs my body into action before I’ve had a chance to think. I’ve made a rookie mistake, I’ve blocked my exit with my own backpack. So I slide under the bed instead.
Jake’s shocked gasp brings me to my senses, but it’s too late now. I’ve made things worse for myself. I should come out and beg for forgiveness but my muscles are locked tight. Jake is a big guy, a beating from him is really going to hurt. I’m not getting out of this without broken bones. A whimper escapes my throat.
I need to man up. I ran away, of course I’m going to get punished. I should take it like a man and stop whining. But my body is still refusing to move.
“Fitz,” he says softly. “I’m not going to spank you, unless you want me too.”
Why on earth would I want to be hit? Who wants that? Thankfully, I manage not to say it out loud.
Jake sits on the floor and crouches down to peer under the bed, but he doesn’t reach for me.
“I’m sorry Fitz, I didn’t mean to scare you.”
I bite back my indignant reply. I’m cowering under his bed. It would be ridiculous to deny my fear. As shameful as it is.
“How are you going to punish me?” I ask instead. I think my voice only shook a little.
Jake shakes his head. “No one is going to punish you.”
“You want to hit me! I saw it in your eyes!”
“I liked the idea of spanking you!” he exclaims.
I want to back even further away from him but then he will just be able to whip around to the other side and grab me.
“But not to punish you, well not like that.” He pauses and sighs. “It’s a kinky thing, a sex thing.”
“A sex thing?” I squeak, repeating him like a broken robot.
“Yeah,” he says and I think he is blushing.
I swallow dryly. “Getting hit is a sex thing?”
“It can be, but it doesn’t matter. We don’t ever have to do it.”
His words echo around my head, and I don’t know what to think. I don’t know much about sex, except that I like it. A lot. The clan thought that sex was the second evil in the world after monsters. They never exactly talked about it and I never got to access any porn. My lack of knowledge is embarrassing. And a secret I want to take to the grave. Though I’m blatantly showing my ignorance here and it’s so cringeworthy.
“Please come out, Fitz.”
He sounds calm, but he could be tricking me.
“You’re not going to beat me?”
His expression darkens. “No one is going to beat you ever again, Fitz. If anyone tries, I’ll rip their fucking head off.”
Okay, has anyone ever died from butterflies? Because I think I might be the first. These are some intense flutters. There is a whole fucking swarm in my stomach.
