My mouth falls open and every word I have ever learned melts away. I have never seen anyone look so enraged, but as I stare helplessly, Harry’s expression shifts to one of horror.
“Oh gosh!” he exclaims. “Colby, are you alright? Did I hurt you?”
He moves my head and rubs the back of it. I seem to have lost the power of thought as well as the power of speech. Just like Harry has lost his frigging mind. I have no idea what is happening. I never suspected that he had this side to him. I thought he was calm and collected in his assholeness, but what else is he capable of?
Harry is staring at me in alarm. “Colby, please don’t look at me like that!”
“Like… like what?” I stammer breathlessly.
“Like I’m someone to be feared.”
Suddenly he drops to his knees and wraps his arms around my legs.
“I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I can’t bear to see that look in your eyes,” Harry pleads.
I blink slowly, as if I think that will restore reality. Is Harry drunk? High on some tea he took for the party? I don’t understand what is going on, but I can feel him trembling. He is at my feet shaking with emotion.
I reach out and run my hand through his hair. His trembling eases a little. Perhaps I’m a softy but I can’t bear to see anyone or anything suffer. I should hate this man for the power he has over me and the things he has done. I didn’t even like him in the first place, when he was just someone in my wider social circle. But for some reason I can’t, and maybe that makes me a foolish optimist, but I can’t change who I am.
Without warning, he jumps to his feet and scoops me up in his arms. I manage to bite back my squeal of surprise. He carries me over to the bed and I wonder if he is going to ravish me, but he just arranges me as the little spoon and curls up behind me. I’m a little disappointed at the lack of ravishing, but this is nice.
“I don’t deserve you,” he says softly.
I’ve heard that phrase a thousand times before, between friends, in jest. A flippant almost meaningless phrase. I’ve never heard it spoken with such soul deep conviction. It makes every hair on my body stand up on end. I don’t know how to reply to that. I don’t even know where to start. So I say nothing and just wriggle closer to him and place my arm over his, where it lies against my stomach.
He gives a sigh that sort of sounds like contentment.
I think we are going to spend the night like this. The evening started with an orgy. Followed by me freaking out and then him freaking out and then we end the night by spooning. Makes perfect sense.
My mind whirls as it tries to make sense of it all. But through all the confusion, one thing shines clearly.
I think my husband is a little broken.
Chapter fourteen
Somethingwakesmefrommy sleep. It’s the dark small hours just before dawn and all is quiet and still. Harry is still behind me, in my bed and the flash of sheer joy that gives me is startling. He stayed. He didn’t go back to the party. He didn’t retreat to his own room. Harry stayed in my bed, with me. This is wonderful. There is hope for our marriage.
And it’s just plain nice. I’ve never slept in the same bed as someone else before. It’s so soothing, so intimate. I could get used to this. Snuggling up to him every night and using him as a giant hot water bottle would be bliss.
It’s not such a crazy idea as all that. It could happen. It feels like we are so much closer now. Who knew that mutual freak outs could be such a bonding experience. If just one night can change so much, what is a hundred going to do? Time is one thing we have on our side. We are bound together for the rest of our lives. There is going to be time to figure things out.
Time for me to discover who broke my husband. Time for me to help fix him. I might never see another crack in his armor. But I know now. I know that all is not well and that I am going to try my best to do something about it.
A strange noise echoes around the room. Oh, is that what woke me? The sound is laced with so much pain and fear that my heart aches. I roll over to face Harry. Surely he is not the one making that soft, vulnerable noise? It doesn’t seem possible that he would be capable of such a thing. Another chink in his armor, a glimpse of the man beneath the illusion of himself that he has created.
I can barely believe I am seeing more of him, so soon after his first little meltdown.
But here is the evidence before me. Even in the dark, I can see that his face is pale and contorted with terror. His body moves weakly, as if he is trying to fight off whatever dark thing is hounding his dreams. He whimpers again and I can’t bear it. Did his earlier outburst break a damn within him that was keeping all the dark things at bay? Have his demons been unleashed?
“Harry, wake up,” I say as I shake his shoulder.
My touch seems to jolt him like a lightning strike. He jerks up to a sitting position and suddenly I’m sprawling backwards. The entire right side of my face is on fire. I’m seeing stars and I can’t breathe.
Harry clicks his fingers and the lights flicker on. Suddenly he is looming over me with a look of absolute horror on his face.
“Gods, Colby! Did I hit you?”
Tentatively I move my jaw, jagged sparks of pain shoot up my face but it all seems to be working.
