Awarenessslowlyseepedaroundme. I could hear and feel purring and for one ridiculous moment hope flared and I thought it was Jinx. That optimism inspired me to prise my eyes open. I was on my back on my bed. Mr. Fluffykins was curled up on my chest.
The sheets were clean, my room was sparkling. There was no sign that it had recently been a torture scene. I moved my hand to stroke Mr. Fluffykins. Stark white bandages glared back at me but could not conceal the nothingness where my fingers should be. I swallowed.
The door opened, and Ezme rushed over to my side.
“You’re awake!” she exclaimed. “How do you feel? Are you in pain?”
I stared at my not-fingers and realized in surprise that I wasn’t. I felt awfully groggy though. Someone had pumped me full of painkillers.
“Did you do this?” I asked, waving my bandaged hand in the air.
“No, Henry is the doctor, not me.”
I blinked at her. “What happened?”
“You are asking me what happened?” she exclaimed loudly, making me wince. Her expression immediately softened and she relented. “The Prince of Hell appeared in my bathroom, whilst I was in the bath, told me that my sibling needed assistance and disappeared again. So, I get here and find you in a puddle of blood, missing two fingers and with a cat licking your face.”
I didn’t know what to say to that. The prince had understood me and known what cat I was on about and he had bothered to do as I asked. It was very touching. Or maybe he was just making sure that his debt to Jinx was completely fulfilled.
I looked at Ezme and saw the worry in her eyes. I had put her through a lot. I presumed that when she first arrived and found me out cold, that she had then called Henry. At some point she had also cleaned the place up. She had certainly come to the rescue.
Ezme was staring at me expectantly. I could tell she really wanted to know what the hell was going on but was frightened of pushing me.
“I… I.” the words would not come. I took a deep breath and tried again. This time I was able to tell her all about what had happened with the mob in their nightclub. I told her about punching Rufus in the face when he had thrown a magic net over Jinx. I didn’t need to tell her about the dinner party, because she had been there.
My voice faltered even more when I got to the part about the mobsters and Rufus breaking into my home and then I just couldn’t talk anymore.
“Jinx?” she asked gently.
But she had to have already known. She would have seen his empty collar on the bed, nevermind the fact that he was not by my side.
I shook my head anyway, like I was saying he hadn’t made it, that he was dead. Then I realized that was more or less true. He was in Hell and I’d never see him again. Suddenly, I was crying. Great wracking sobs of grief.
Ezme climbed onto the bed and held me in her arms while I cried uncontrollably. She didn’t say anything. She knew there were no words that could make this better. There were no mere words that could ease my pain.
Eventually I stopped. Not because I felt any better but because my body refused to make anymore tears. I was a dried up hollow husk of a man.
“I banished him, to save him,” I croaked. Finally, giving Ezme an explanation.
Ezme held me even closer. I closed my eyes and wished the physical pain from my amputated fingers would come back. It would be a distraction from this emotional pain.
Ezme moved away from me and I mourned the comfort of the warmth of her body, but she didn’t go far. She just reached over to the bedside table to pick up a glass of water that I hadn’t even noticed. She made me drink it.
As soon as the cool water touched my lips, I realized how thirsty I was and I downed it all.
She took my empty glass and placed it back on the side. Then she fluffed up my pillows and helped me sit more upright. Mr. Fluffykins meowed his complaint at the movement but he resettled onto my lap.
“I’ve made some soup and I want you to eat some,” said Ezme kindly but sternly.
Weakly I nodded my head.
With one last lingering look she left, and I was alone with the cat and my thoughts. Jinx was gone. Like a horror show, my mind replayed the look in his eyes as he realized what I was doing. Sheer anguish and pleading. He hadn’t wanted to go. And that had been the last ever look we had exchanged.
I drew in a shuddering breath. I had done the right thing, I was sure of it. The alternative was unbearable. But doubt started creeping into my mind. Maybe I had fucked up. Jinx was not human, he was an incubus. Being used and kept as a sex slave might not have been as horrendous for him as it would be for a human. Then I could have come after him. Got him back.
We could have been together, forever.
I whimpered in dismay as the thought rolled around my mind, tasting bitter on my tongue. Had I panicked and acted too harshly? The gangsters were initially only going to take my fingers, they weren’t going to kill me. There would have been nothing stopping me from going after Jinx. I could have got him back.
