Danny thought he was too good for Sam. He believed Sam would be sitting around pining for him. And he had been. Until Tally.
“Who?” asked Danny.
Sam liked the little flash of jealousy he saw, it salved his pride. “Tally. You don’t know him.”
“Oh, Okay,” said Danny as he stood up.
“Do you want to get your things whilst you’re here?” offered Sam.
Danny scowled, obviously not liking the finality of Sam’s words or the calmness in which he spoke them. He waved his hand dismissively.
“No, that’s not my look anymore,” he gave Sam one last searching look as if he couldn’t believe things hadn’t gone the way he wanted to. Then he turned and left without another word.
Sam sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. He felt like a weight had been lifted. Somehow, turning Danny down felt like he had been given his power back. It was petty and childish, but it was what it was. Or maybe it was just finally acknowledging that he was over Danny. Finding his peace. Whatever it was, it felt good.
He bounded downstairs and looked around, but he couldn’t see Tally anywhere.
“Where is Tally?” he asked Deirdre, but she just shrugged and turned back to her customer.
“He saw you go upstairs with Danny and he left,” said Joseph helpfully.
Sam’s heart started pounding. Adrenaline coursed through him, leaving him shaking. He rounded on Joseph, “Why didn’t you stop him?”
Joseph held up his hands in surrender. His face clearly saying, ‘not my problem.’ Sam growled in frustration. The man was right. It really wasn’t. It was Sam’s problem, Sam’s mistake. One he needed to somehow fix.
He never should have taken Danny upstairs like that without talking to Tally first. It had been thoughtless and cruel. No wonder Tally had got the wrong idea.
Sam ran out of the door, into the rain. Tally couldn’t have gone far. Sam had to find him, he had to.
Chapter 19
Tallyenjoyedtheviewof the night-time city stretched out before him. All the sparkling lights were breathtaking. There had been nothing like it last time he had been alive. The hum of the traffic was soothing and the feel of the cold rain on his skin invigorating. It was so good to be incarnate again, to have a physical form. He had missed it.
He thought again of the way Sam had looked at the blond man he had led upstairs. The look had said everything. The man was obviously his ex, the person who owned the clothes Tally was wearing and Sam’s heart. In this life at least.
Tally had his time thousands of years ago and if he hadn’t fucked up, if he had entered the cycle of reincarnation, then perhaps he would have got to be with Caradoc again. But that was not the path he had taken, and it was what it was. It couldn’t be changed now.
Caradoc was Sam now, and Danny was his lover in this turn of the wheel of time. It was the proper order of things. The way it should be. Sam didn’t even remember him. Tally should leave and let him be happy.
He thought through his options. He had no friends here, no family. Either as Tally or Benji. Jinx was around but more of a hindrance than a help. If Sam had permanently scared Benji’s pimp off, there would be others ready to pounce on a young man who had nothing. He had no money, no home, no prospects. As great as being incarnate was, it was pointless without Sam. He should just return to hell.
It would be the right thing to do. He had a suspicion that Benji wasn’t fully gone and that if he vacated this body, Benji would come back to it. He hadn’t meant to steal the young man’s life, he really had thought that he had taken this body at the moment Benji’s soul had left it for good. He hadn’t meant to be a thief. Benji was young, he deserved his life back.
The same life Tally had just decided wasn’t worth having, and going back to hell was the better option.
Tally sighed. He really didn’t know what the best thing to do was. Maybe he should stay. Somehow sort Benji’s life out and then give it back to him. He had got this body off of drugs. He had been exercising and feeding it well. He was taking good care of it. So he had already made improvements. It was possible. Getting it into a good life, a home, a job and then handing it back would be payment for stealing it in the first place.
It would be nice to do the right thing for a change. And there was always the chance that Sam and Danny would split up again. Tally groaned, annoyed his thoughts had gone full circle. He should leave Sam alone. But part of him didn’t want to surrender without a fight.
He had waited and planned for so long. Giving in and slinking off with his tail between his legs seemed a bit pathetic. Tally sighed wearily. He loved Sam with all his soul. He needed Sam to be happy, and if Danny was better at making him happy, then Danny was the one who should have him.
Maybe he could stalk him from the sidelines, watch him lead a happy life. It would be bittersweet. Fulfilling and a torment at the same time. Perhaps being near him would be enough to ease the ache of his absence. Two thousand years hadn’t lessened the pain of his loss. He would always love him, always want him, choose him, need him.
He could try again, next turn of the wheel. Waiting for a time when Caradoc was old enough, not with someone, and there was a body available and a chance to escape hell. It had taken thousands of years for those things to align. When would it happen again?
Tally remembered the time it had all seemed perfect, and he had jumped into a body, traveled to where Caradoc was, in the trenches of World War One, and found him. Just hours after he had died. That had been awful.
Was this to be his destiny? Endlessly chasing Caradoc through the wheel of time? He would do it. Do it until the last star burned out.
