I wrinkle my nose and stick out my tongue as I grab my rucksack from the floor. “It’s quite helpful. Not that you would understand.” I lean over the bed to give him a quick kiss. “Bye.”
*
I didn’t thinkthere could be an upside to Theo leaving me but until I can afford a car, I need to be able to sit down on my bike seat. It’s not possible to ride a Schwinn mere hours after riding Theodore Reed.
During the time I thought I was dying, I never once prayed to live. I never once thought I’d actually live. I meditated and gave thanks for every day I’d been granted, the people who shared the moments that had given my life great meaning, and the chance to experience so much love. However, right now, on the front steps of the Moore’s southern mansion, I’m praying—begging—for Nolan to be already gone.
The door opens. No such luck.
I smile, feeling the heat reach the tip of my ears as I shove my hands in my pockets, pull them out, fidget with the hem of my shirt, then shove them back into my pockets again.
“Good morning.” Nolan’s greeting seems a little too suggestive, like his smile.
Without a doubt, I’d be embarrassed if I were in his position. That’s the natural reaction when you witness something so personal. Isn’t it?
I move up the steps like an inmate making their way to the execution room.
“You’re walking kind of funny. Something happen?”
Oh bugger!My head bows, the first step toward my whole body collapsing in on itself. Death from utter humiliation is my likely fate.
“Your southern charm is slipping, Mr. Moore.” I survey the foyer like I’m seeing it for the first time. Anything requires more attention than Nolan.
“I was just showing concern for your health.Verygentlemanly of me.”
I roll my eyes as I make my way up the stairs, trying to ignore the pain and not look like I’ve been straddling a horse for days.
“Has Theo decided to stay?”
“No.”
“So, I should expect your resignation soon?”
“No.” I turn when I get to the top of the stairs.
Nolan frowns.
I shrug, fighting back the pain, which is hard to do because everything right down to my soul aches at the moment. But… I’m alive and I will never take that minor little detail for granted. At least… I hope not.
“He’s complicated.” Nolan’s explanation is not news to me. “Besides, you’re not cancer-free, yet.”
I nod. “I know.” When I notice Nellie’s door is still shut, I sit on the landing and rest my elbows on my knees. “Theo is not the only reason I didn’t go back to London. Something in my life shifted over the past six months and that something has reversed the progression of my cancer. I gave up my profession, electronics, bad eating habits, late nights and early mornings leaving me in a constant state of sleep deprivation. I really don’t think one thing caused my cancer but rather a culmination of many things that eventually pushed my health past a tipping point. So I won’t go back—not to my job, my old habits, or my life in general that seemed to turn on me.”
“You’re afraid if you do, the cancer will come back.”
“Yes.”
“Did you ask Theo to stay?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because when I left London, I didn’t want anyone to ask me to stay. I wanted everyone to respect my need to leave—respect my decision to not go through the cancer treatment. I didn’t want to explain myself. I wanted… Ineededto leave. It didn’t mean I’d stopped loving Daniel or my dad.”
“You think Theo has cancer?”
I laugh a little. “No. Well… I don’t know. But he knows I love him, and I know he loves me, so if there’s something greater than our love that’s taking him away, then…”
