“Amazing. That’s just it. I haven’t felt this good in…” I shake my head “…forever.”
“Any pelvic or abdominal pain?”
I shake my head.
“Bloating?”
“A bit when I first arrived in Savannah five months ago. It was mild and disappeared within a few weeks.”
“Loss of appetite?”
I shake my head.
“Urinary issues such as increased frequency or urgency?”
I shake my head.
He releases a long breath, eyes moving across the tablet again. “Back pain, menstrual changes, fatigue, pain during sex?”
I continue to shake my head.
“You’re below normal weight for your height and age.”
“Weight charts have been adjusted over the years to normalize obesity, especially in children. It’s truly disturbing. I’m not underweight.”
I don’t share that a little over two months ago I was very underweight. Something tells me he wouldn’t understand the health benefits of liquid fasting. Conventional medicine frowns upon anything that doesn’t come in the form of a prescription.
“I’m not an oncologist, but I can say the progression and symptoms of cancer can be different for everyone, especially with ovarian cancer. We’re not going to know anything definitive until we do a few tests. Then you can meet with an oncologist to discuss further treatment.”
My name is Scarlet Stone. I think modern medicine is miraculous—as well as overrated, corrupt, and sometimes deadly. I’m not sure when doctors began to focus on treating thesymptoms instead of the root cause of disease. Whenever that was, they could no longer abide by their oath to “do no harm.”
“Further treatment? I haven’t had any treatment, and I don’t want treatment. I just want to know where I stand because three different doctors gave me six months to live without treatment. I sold my worldly possessions and deposited almost all of the money into my ex-fiancé’s savings account.” My voice escalates with each word as I fist my hands in my lap. “I buried my past—my life—in London and stamped it with a gravestone, never to return. I came here to die, but I don’t feel like I’m dying. My lease is up in thirty days. I just need to know if I’m going to die on time!”
The unsuspecting doctor winces.
Something drips onto my leg. I look down at the clear moisture, then I touch my fingers to my cheek. I don’t know when I started crying, but sure enough, the little bastards broke free. After brushing them away, I press the heels of my hands to my eyes and slowly shake my head.
“Just run the tests,” I whisper.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
My name is Scarlet Stone, and I was with my best friend when she died. Her parting words to me were: “The only thing worse than living with regret, is dying with regret.”
Iwait threedays to get the results of my tests. Nolan drives me to the oncologist. I’m not sure why I was referred to a cancer specialist when I have no intention of having any treatment.
“What’s the doctor going to say?” I ask Nolan as he parks in the parking ramp.
“I don’t know.”
“Don’t tell me that. You’ve had afeelingall along. You told me months ago to see a doctor. Just say it.”
He sighs, angling his body toward mine after he parks the car. “I’ve had five MRIs in the past two years. I’ve seen four of the top neurologists in the world. I don’t know why I can sense ailments in the human body. It’s not a gift. It’s a curse and some days I want to end my own life because Ifeelthe pain. Do you understand? Can you imagine what it’s like to feel everything so vividly? I’m a pathetic recluse most of the time because I don’t want to be around humans. Sick. Disease-ridden. Humans.”
I rest my hand on his. “I cause you pain.”
He shakes his head. “No… that’s just it. I don’t feel it anymore. And as much as I want that to mean something positive for you… there’s this selfish, sadistic part of me that wants to find out your cancer is everywhere because that means I’m no longerfeelingthe pain.”
I laugh and Nolan looks at me like I’ve lost the plot, but I can’t stop laughing.
