“Your mum and Harold were having an affair.”
His head juts back, eyes narrowed. “No.” He shakes his head.
Now does he see all of the unwritten words that I saw in the journal?
“Nellie found out. She drove to your house with the intention of killing Harold.”
“Stop.” He continues to shake his head.
“She caught them together and aimed the gun at Harold—”
“Stop!” Theo presses the heels of his hands to the side of his head.
“Your mum jumped in front of Harold right as the gun went off.”
“STOP!” He buckles at both the waist and the knees, with his face buried in his hands.
“Theo…” I bend forward, reaching for him, but he stumbles backwards, collapsing onto the sofa.
Averting his red, glassy eyes, he reaches for his pocket.
“What are you doing?”
“Calling the police.”
“Please, don’t.”
He freezes, then slowly looks up at me. “What did you say?”
“It was an accident.”
“My mother isdead,” he says through gritted teeth.
“Oscar loves her.” Theo can’t understand what that really means in the scope of my life and my relationship with Oscar. And at this exact moment, with his finger poised to presssend, I can’t convey it quick enough for him to comprehend.
“My. Mother. Is. DEAD! My father is DEAD!”
I swipe at my tears and nod. “I’m sorry.”
The vacant look in his eyes says all there’s left to say.
No more begging.
No more bargaining.
No more lies.
He pressessend. I hear his voice, but the words don’t register past the grief of mourning the loss of his parents, Oscar’s future, Nolan, Nellie, but most especially… Theo.
A few minutes later, he ends the call. Holding his mobile in his hands, he stares at it—head bowed, shoulders turned inward. How long before the police arrive at the Moores’? How long before Oscar arrives at my door?
I support my air cast with one hand while I lower the recliner’s footrest.
“Don’t,” he whispers as I reach for my crutches.
The idea of Theo never looking at me again, never touching me again is so unfathomable it feels like a special kind of pain saved for the worst of humanity. I bite my trembling lips together and nod, tears blurring everything. There’s no question about it, I’m far from perfect. I’ve taken things that weren’t mine to take. I’ve hurt one person to save another. I’ve made impossible choices, and I’ve lived with the consequences—as I am now. But I have to believe that I’m not unredeemable. I have to believe that there’s something inside of me that’s worthy of love.
Theo slowly stands. I sniffle and swallow back so much pain it nearly chokes me. I wait for it—pray for it.
