"If you want to hear the same thing told to you twice, I'd recommend investing in a recorder app," I drawl out at him acerbically. "I'm not fucking here to indulge your petty bureaucratic whims, North."
Our handler gives me the bland look I've come to expect from him during these moments. He releases a short sigh, mildly irritated by my typical lack of professionalism, but doesn't demand I give him my report. He's learnt where my limits are after a month of working together, and he doesn't waste time anymore trying to chip away at my hatred for the administrative despotism that comes with working for the government.
Leo hasn't turned to look at me since I stopped at his side. He seems to be concentrating very hard on the sink, which sits somewhere to the left behind North. He's staring intently over our handler's shoulder at the ceramic bowl, like he's trying to win a standoff against it.
I'm not sure if he thinks he won't be able to hold out in front of North if he looks at me, or if the sink has genuinely offended him in some way. It would be nice if I weren't the only one in trouble.
"Well, if that's everything, I'll be heading out." North closes down the laptop he still has sitting in front of him and gets up from his stool. "I've sent the coordinates over to Agent Nash. Once they've been validated by her, and we've done some basic recon, I'll recommend you two are sent in to hopefully retrieve the asset."
I can't help but wonder what Rohan would think about being referred to as "the asset." He was the only Liquid Onyx survivor under Ian Stone's control who got to live a somewhat-ordinary life as his father's heir rather than a perpetually loaded weapon. He left that all behind to work for an agency that thinks of him in similar terms to how OI thought of me and my brother. Rohan has to be aware of that fact, meaning he must think the downsides to working with FISA are worth it to be out from under his father’s control.
"Are we going with you?" Leo asks, surprising me with the level tone of his voice. I can't read anything in it, which is unusual. "Back to Danger, I mean."
"No," North answers dismissively. "You might as well stay here until we know where to send you. Agent Nash shouldn't take long in confirming Rohan's location. Once we're sure about it, we'll fly you out immediately. Until then, take a night off and enjoy the downtime, Agents."
Leo looks mollified by the answer if a little disappointed. At first, I think it's because he doesn't want to have the confrontation we're both due, but then I remember how long it's been since he saw his mother. He's probably worried about her. I'm aware he left his cousin and Damon in charge of corralling Alicia, but he likely won't be satisfied until he can see for himself she's not dead in a bush somewhere.
I can't help thinking Leo would be better off if she did turn up that way, which is not a thought Leo would ever react to in any fashion other than negatively. He seems to love her despite everything. I try to be more understanding about it, for his sake, by imagining if it were Dan. If he were alive but an addict who caused me nothing but misery. I can't imagine turning my back on him no matter what he did to me. I'd take anything if it meant he got to live this life alongside me again.
"We'll wait to hear from you then, sir." Leo tips his head respectfully at our handler.
North returns it, darting one last glance between us before striding out of the safe house and driving off in his FISA-issued SUV.
I walk around the kitchen island to face Leo, putting my hands down flat on the wooden surface and waiting patiently for him to decide it's time to go.
Leo waits until North has disappeared entirely from view before he lets his gaze track sideways to collide with mine. When he does, it's flame meeting oil; he ignites like a car exploding, raptured by fire and scolding metal.
"Do you remember the first time we went off base together to go shopping, and you thought FISA wouldn't let you off the base, and I said it'd be fine as long as you didn't go on any random murder rampages? Yeah, that right there was ajoke. As in, I thought it was too absurd an idea to take seriously."
His voice might be full of fire, but his eyes are ice cold, like two pieces chipped off a glacier.
I react to his snarling vitriol with instinctive defensiveness. "Fuck off, Leo. This wasn't random. The people I killed weren't civilians I just happened to come across in the street. They were extremists who stole guns fromTitanus Bullet."
Leo slams a closed fist down on the kitchen island in a show of reckless aggression. "Just because they stole some guns doesn't mean they deserved—"
I cut him off, realising suddenly that he still doesn't understand. "I don't care about the stolen guns." My own voice is coated in exasperation. I'm so sick of Leo notgetting it. "I don't care what they were going to use them for either. It doesn't matter. This isn't about what anyone deserves." I make a low, angry sound in my throat. "Who the hell should get to decide that shit anyway?"
Leo shifts out of his seat and moves away from the kitchen island. He turns his back to me, raising both hands to scrub them through his dark hair. He tugs on the strands so hard it looks like he might wind up pulling clumps out if he’s not careful.
I wait whilst Leo processes what I've said. For a moment, I allow myself to think he might finally be hearing me, that he might be able to untwist the knot he's created in his mind by making assumptions about what he believes matters to me, should matter to me, just because it matters to him.
Leo turns on me with fierce indignation, throwing out an arm in my direction. "You told my aunt you didn't want to kill people without knowing why you were doing it!"
It comes out like an accusation. I didn't know he was aware of the exact terms of my deal with Snow. It pisses me off to realise they've been discussing my shit without me there. I knew it was a possibility, but that doesn't make the confirmation any easier to swallow. Not when I'm already het up from what I had to do for the mission and Leo being so openly disgusted with me because of it.
I move back around the kitchen island, taking steps to close the distance between my furious partner and me. Leo watches me like I'm a jungle cat, creeping slowly towards him in the wild. It makes me want to snap at him tostop it, to stop acting like I scare him. He's never done that before. I used to think his severe lack of concern about being so close to me was absurd and vaguely disturbing. But now I can't stand for him to look at me like the other FISA agents do.
It takes a lot of willpower on my part not to shout at him. "Yeah, and I did know why I was doing it, didn't I? For the information. For Rohan." I add somewhat desperately, "Whatever Righteous Anarchy's deal was, it's irrelevant."
Leo's freezing-blue eyes narrow, piercing into me like sharpened blades of crystallised ice. It makes my heart sting inside my chest.
"Is this how you really feel about it?" he asks, sounding lost, as if he's been set adrift on the ocean. "You're okay with any means as long as you understand what the end result will be?" He's afraid of the answer; I can see it on his face.
But I can't lie. I don't even want to.
"If I agree with those ends, then fuck, yes." I take another few steps towards Leo, practically begging for him to understand. "Is saving Rohan worth killing those people? I can't tell you that, Leo, I'm not one of those morally superior vigilantes who thinks they know what's best for everyone." I'm unable to keep the contempt out of my voice when talking about the Liquid Onyx survivors who call themselves heroes.
"But I do think Rohan isworth saving, andthatis our mission." I scowl at Leo, heaving out an aggressively loud breath. "What I don't get is why you keep trying to do shit that isn't the mission."
