“You just told me that you have to be perfect. Who’s going to hurt you if you aren’t?”
I had a picture of my grandfather in my head, walking towards me with a sympathetic smile right before he sprained my hand so perfectly that it healed in the precise time frame he wanted. I raised my head and tried to banish the memory. That wasn’t the current problem. I could only deal with one issue at a time.
I stood up and carefully folded the throw as I walked towards my shoes. “How much do I owe you?” I asked, draping the throw over the arm of the chair.
“Oh. I usually charge depending on what people can afford. You can’t afford anything, so don’t worry about it.”
I straightened up from pulling on my heels. “I have money. I have two million dollars, but that’s charity money.”
“Charity money?”
I studied his face carefully. He was friends with Dirk, if the wealthy and powerful ever had friends. Did I want Dirk to know about his mother? He probably already knew, but did this guy? I glanced over at the cello sitting in the middle of the room, a lonely cello that hadn’t been played for far too long by anyone remotely capable.
What did I want? I wanted to play the cello. Publicly. Particularly somewhere Dirk could hear me play. I wanted himto be impressed with my skills. Silly, but he’d seduced me. I was a fool for him.
I raised my chin and looked at Horse. “I have skills. If you throw parties, I can play with your orchestra.” I swallowed once the words were out. I’d always wanted to play with an orchestra, but of course that was forbidden. If my body was revolting because I didn’t give it what it needed, I should start with music. It was still terrifying, admitting that’s what I wanted, offering to play for payment, and if my grandfather found out…
He stood up and came towards me, hand outstretched. His hands were very large, and he stood at least a head over me.
“I don’t want to shake your hand.”
He grinned and dropped it. “Good. Don’t. If you’d like to play, I’m having a party next Wednesday to celebrate the upcoming race. Would you be more or less comfortable having Death-Hammer members there with you?”
I narrowed my eyes at him. Sure, he wasn’t her stalker, but he wanted one member of Death-Hammer to be there, and it wasn’t Jezabel. “Why are you interested in Trixie? Are you sure you aren’t a stalker?”
He cocked his head and studied me. “Trixie O’Hara can’t be bought. She’s never been bought, and she never will be. Most people can be bought at the right price, including me, but not her. And she’s the most stunning creature in the world. She is beyond my ideal female. It drives me insane that she doesn’t see her own intrinsic worth.”
Something twisted in my chest at the thought of the Dragon. What would it be like to be so strong that nothing could purchase your soul?
“Invite Death-Hammer to your party.”
He raised a brow? “Are you sure that’s what you want?”
I pressed my lips together. “I like Dirk Dagger. He is one of the few, all right, the only male I’ve ever met that I want. He’sinfuriating, impossible, and he comes from a terrible family, but I can’t help myself. I want him to hear me play. I’m very good, but no one ever hears me play. I want him to be impressed. It’s foolish and weak of me, but it’s what I want.”
His smile was almost soft. “It’s human. It’s fun. Dirk even likes the cello. He’ll like that you play it whether you’re amazing or not.”
I nodded and headed for the door.
“Aren’t you going to thank me?” he asked, following me.
“I’ll thank you after I can pull the trigger.”
“You are one scary woman. No wonder the ladies like you so much. Trixie was talking about you, how good you were on a bike. Even Jezebel mentioned how well you perform under pressure.”
I pressed my palms to my stomach, oh yes, you can rely on Dani to shoot someone instead of folding out of nerves, or whatever that had been. “I don’t, but I will. That is, if you have any idea what you’re doing.” I glanced over my shoulder at him.
He shrugged. “I could show you my diplomas if it would make you feel better, or we could take a walk down the strip and point out all the places where the people used to be who now have the lives they actually want.”
I sighed and continued out the door. What he said wasn’t entirely ridiculous. Since I couldn’t do anything I didn’t want to do, I might as well stop fighting it.
I left the room feeling too many emotions that I didn’t want to deal with. What did I want right now? I was going to get my own phone. And chocolate. And I’d eat chocolate and call Toni. But what if… No. I couldn’t do anything until I got myself back under control. If indulging myself was what it took, so be it.
22
VILLAIN
Isat in Jezebel’s courtyard eating chocolate and chatting with Toni until the sun went down. I didn’t want to talk about anything serious, so we chatted about her love life and my adventures driving like a civilian.
