“That’s not what she meant,” Landon said.
I thought about it. WhatdidI mean? I took a deepbreath, my chest rising and falling. “I just mean, why does it have to involve feelings? I want to learn. I’d like you to teach me. Men can screw without feeling emotional about it, right?”
“Screw,” Asher repeated, scoffing. “You’re not ready for sex if you can’t even say the word fuck.”
“Oh, I can say it. Here, I’ll demonstrate.” I looked him directly in the eye. “Fuck you.”
He had the nerve to laugh.
“So let me get this straight.” I sat up straighter, trying to inject a sense of order into this bizarre situation. “Your objections are that my delicate feminine feelings might get hurt? Can’t women just like to fuck?” Now that I’d said it once, it was easier to say it again. I kind of liked it, actually.
“They can,” Kai said. “Especially when they’re with me.”
“Zoe, this is your first time.” Landon’s voice was serious. “That’s not something you... That’s not something to be casual about.”
“Oh yeah, according to books and movies, the first time is always magical, right? How was your first time?” I turned to Kai.
“Best nineteen seconds of my life,” he said, and I gave a small laugh.
“And you?” I looked at Asher.
“It was in her parents’ hatchback. We parked behind the shopping mall. She stroked me twice, and I came allover the steering wheel.”
Kai laughed. Then we all looked at Landon, and for a moment, I thought he wasn’t going to answer. His jaw worked like he was fighting with himself.
Then he sighed. “Well, it was better than their first times.”
“Because you were two years older than I was,” Kai pointed out.
“Because it was with someone I cared about,” he said quietly.
For a moment, I was jealous of that girl, whoever she was. I leaned forward, reaching for the bottle of champagne on the coffee table.
But Landon lifted his foot and pushed the bottle away from my grasp with his toes. “If you want us to take you seriously, stop drinking.”
That pissed me off. “You’re one to talk.”
“I’m not drunk,” he said.
“No, but you and your brother invented a drinking game for us the other night.”
Landon held his hands up in defense. “True, but this is a big decision, and consent needs to be given freely when you’re sober.”
“An important point,” I said. “Except for one thing.I’mthe one who asked for this, so that means I’m seeking your consent.”
“All of us?” Asher asked.
“Well, yeah. I mean, I like all of you.” I paused. “Ish,” I added, looking directly at Asher.
“Trust me, that feeling is mutual.”
The small moment of levity helped. I took another breath. “I just—I’d like to learn, and I’d like you to teach me. And if it’s with one of you, I know my first time will be a hell of a lot better than yours were.”
“She’s got a point there,” Asher said.
“And no steering wheel to clean up,” I added, and he laughed.
Landon tried again. “This is a big decision.”
