Jude's jaw tightened. "It doesn't matter."
"That's not what I asked."
"Cooper—"
"Does she?"
Jude closed his eyes briefly. "I think so. Maybe. I don't know."
"And that terrifies you."
"Of course it does." Jude's voice was rough.
Cooper was quiet for a long moment, then said, "You won’t lose everything, you know. You’ll never lose me and Melanie. You’ll never lose your integrity. And you’ll never lose God. Have you prayed about the situation?”
Jude hesitated, then shook his head. “I’m not even sure what to pray.”
“At the very least, you could pray that God would make His will clear. Ask Him to give you clarity about things. There is no moral right or wrong in this situation. I’ll just encourage you to search for God’s will.”
Jude had heard similar words from the pastor of the church over the years. But even though he understood the concept ofseeking God’s will for his life, he’d never practiced it. He’d never really had a conflicted spirit about any of the decisions he’d made over the years.
He wanted to say that he wasn’t confused or conflicted over his burgeoning feelings, but that would be a lie.
His phone chimed with a text message alert, so Jude pulled it out to check. While Sunday was technically a day off for Jude, the team always knew they could get hold of him by phone. It wasn’t likely an emergency, or they would have phoned him.
Angela:I made some cinnamon buns today. Do you want some? I could bring them to your place.
A smile tipped the corners of his mouth.
“I see that,” Cooper said with a laugh. “Text from Angela, huh? I like that smile on you.”
Jude rolled his eyes, then considered his response. He didn’t generally favor sending text messages since he tended to spend more time correcting the mistakes his fingers made.
Deciding to wait until he was in his vehicle to respond, he said, “Guess I’d better head back to the estate. Thanks for the meal and the advice.”
Cooper reached for his hand, then pulled him in for a quick hug, slapping him on the back. “Glad you could spend some time with us. We’ll have to do it again soon.”
Jude agreed, then went to say goodbye to Melanie and the kids. The hugs they gave him always brought a bit of emotion bubbling to the surface.
He didn’t have many affectionate interactions with people. And while he was usually okay with that, it was in those moments when the kids wrapped their tiny arms around hisneck that he wondered what it would be like to have kids of his own.
The wonderings never lasted long because he knew that his choice had been made years ago to not take that path. But now…
“But nownothing,” Jude muttered as he started up his truck.
He lifted his phone to record a quick voice memo to send back to Angela. After it was sent, he set his phone in the holder he had for it, then put the truck in gear to head home.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Angela set her phone face down on the counter and returned her attention to the icing she was making to put on the cinnamon rolls.
She shouldn’t have sent the text, but they’d agreed to friendship. And in her mind, friends could share cinnamon rolls. And if friendship—and sharing cinnamon rolls—was all she could have, then she would cherish it.
Unfortunately, she wasn’t sure exactly what friendship meant to Jude. She assumed that if he wasn’t interested in what she’d offered, he’d tell her that it wasn’t a good time. Which would be fine.
Earlier in the day, she’d watched the livestream from the church in Briar Hollow. It had made her a little homesick. Not for anything but the church and the people there. She missed the smiles and hugs of the older women who had taken her under their wings. Would she find anything like that in Idaho?
Probably not if she was never allowed off the estate.
