She guided the car to the side of the road and put it in park, her hands trembling slightly as she released the steering wheel. "I'm sorry if I—"
"Stop apologizing." Jude turned in his seat to face her fully. "You have nothing to apologize for."
Angela stared down at her hands folded in her lap. "I made you uncomfortable. I can tell because things are awkward now."
The vulnerability in her voice undid something inside Jude. He'd been so focused on protecting himself, on maintaining a professional distance, that he'd hurt her in the process.
"Angela, look at me."
She lifted her eyes to his, and the pain he saw there made his chest ache.
"I wasn't uncomfortable because of your questions," he said carefully. "I was uncomfortable because it’s very rare that I speak about my private life. I’m not used to it."
Her brow furrowed. "But you wouldn’t have had to speak about it if I hadn’t asked you those questions."
Jude ran a hand through his hair, knowing he somehow had to get rid of the awkwardness without leading her on. There couldn’t be anything between them, regardless of the pull they apparently felt toward each other.
But he needed her to feel comfortable around him since there was no alternative. Until the situation with Jim and Craig was resolved, Duncan wouldn’t remove him from his position in Angela’s life.
And if he dared to go to Duncan to request the change, the man’s suspicions would be roused. He wouldn’t agree without a good reason, and Jude didn’t have one he felt comfortable giving the man.
If he dared confess that he was feeling drawn to Angela, Duncan probably would agree to his request. But would he lose confidence in Jude’s ability to do his job without distractions?
That couldn’t happen.
He didn’t know what he’d do without his job. Who he’d be.
So somehow, he had to clarify to Angela that there could never be anything between them. All without acknowledging how he might actually feel or how he suspected she might feel.
"Listen," Jude said, choosing his words carefully. "I want you to feel comfortable around me. We're going to be spending a lot of time together, and I don't want things to be awkward between us."
Angela nodded slightly, her eyes still uncertain.
"The truth is, I'm not good at personal conversations. I never have been." He looked out at the snow-covered landscape for a moment, gathering his thoughts. "In my position, I've learned to keep people at a distance. It's safer that way."
"Safer for whom?" she asked softly.
The question caught him off guard. "For everyone involved."
Angela turned slightly in her seat to face him better. "I think I understand. You're worried about crossing some kind of professional line because you work for my father."
Jude felt his pulse quicken. She was getting too close to the truth. "It's more complicated than that."
"Is it?" Her voice was gentle, not challenging. "Because it seems pretty simple to me. You're afraid of losing your job if you show that you're human beneath all that… security guy exterior."
Despite himself, Jude felt the corner of his mouth twitch. "Security guy exterior?"
"You know what I mean." A small smile played across her lips. "All serious and professional all the time."
"That's who I am, Angela."
"I don't think that's all you are." She looked down at her hands again. "But I understand if that's all you want me to see."
The words hung between them, honest and raw. Jude felt something inside him shift, and a door cracked open that he'd kept firmly shut for years.
"It's not about what I want," he said finally. "It's about what's appropriate. What's possible."
Angela's gaze met his again, searching. "And what is possible, Jude? Between us?"
