"I think it's been good so far," Julian said. "Kiara's been very gracious about sharing her space."
"Our space," Kiara corrected him softly. “For now, it’s our space.”
Julian caught the slight hesitation in Kiara's voice, the way her eyes flicked to him before returning to her food.For now.The unspoken implication hung between them. This arrangement had an expiration date. The trial period they'd agreed to, yes, but beyond that, their entire marriage was temporary.
"Well, I'm glad it's working out," Angela said, breaking the momentary tension. "I was worried it might be awkward."
"It's been fine," Kiara assured her. "The house is big enough that we don't have to be in each other's space if we don't want to be."
Julian nodded, though a strange twinge of disappointment fluttered in his chest. Was that how she saw their arrangement? Two people sharing a house but avoiding each other?
It wasn't like that at all for him. Despite having separate spaces, Julian enjoyed the moments they spent together. Whether it was sharing breakfast in the kitchen or sitting in the living room in the evening, Kiara reading while he worked on his laptop.
"We're figuring it out," Julian said, keeping his tone casual. "Day by day."
Kiara glanced at him, a flicker of surprise crossing her features before she nodded. "Yes, we are."
The conversation shifted again, and Julian listened as Jude and Angela discussed some upcoming renovations they were planning for their home. As they talked, Julian noticed the way Jude's hand rested on the table, palm up, and how Angela's fingers interlaced with his without either of them seeming to think about it. The casual intimacy of the gesture struck him.
He and Kiara had nothing like that. Their relationship was built on necessity, not affection. They shared a house, would share a child, but there was no handholding, no casual touches, no wordless communication that came from genuine intimacy.
He wasn’t sure how to have that type of relationship. Or if he even wanted to.
Though Duncan and Elizabeth had, by all accounts, formed a good marriage, they weren’t super affectionate in public. Sometimes when it was just the family, he’d see more affection between them. But it was Annie and Cole and now Jude and Angela who had shown him how a relationship could really be.
He wasn’t sure how to share casual affection with someone the way his siblings did with their significant others. Julian had a feeling that even Benji, with his high school girlfriend, knew more about that than he did.
Did Kiara want that sort of relationship?
It didn’t make sense to pursue a more physical relationship when they’d both agreed that their marriage wasn’t a permanent arrangement. He hadn’t gotten the feeling that she wanted something different from what they had.
There were times when he wondered how they’d ended up sleeping together. He wished he could remember that night so that he understood better how they’d ended up where they now were.
It added a weirdness to the situation that Julian didn’t dwell on, but it was always present in the back of his mind.
That things had unfolded the way they had felt like another failure on his part. He should have known better than to fool around with someone so close to the family. Her ties to the family meant that if he did something to upset her, it wouldupset Angela. And if Angela was upset with him, Duncan would be upset with him too.
It left him feeling like at any given time, he was balancing on a precipice, and that failure was just waiting for him to put a foot wrong. Unfortunately, he couldn’t see a future in which he wouldn’t put that foot wrong.
The sermon that morning was still in his mind, but Julian struggled to believe that all he had to do was trust in God to help him overcome his failures. It felt like he had to prove to himself and to God that he had the ability to face temptations and struggles on his own and not falter.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Kiara could hardly believe that she was in New York City. It was the biggest city she’d ever been to, but she’d quickly discovered that she wasn’t a big-city girl. She much preferred the open spaces of the estate, or even the smaller places like Briar Hollow or Serenity Point.
But she was there now, preparing to attend the fundraising gala for Burke Pharmaceuticals, so she’d just have to make the best of it.
Once the hair and makeup people left, Kiara took a few minutes to gather herself together. It had been a bit of a whirlwind since arriving in New York the previous afternoon. Earlier that morning, she’d had a fitting for her dress, and thankfully, it hadn’t needed any alterations.
Elizabeth had had the dress made for her by the same team that had made the dresses for both Angie’s and Annie’s wedding. It was beautiful. More beautiful than any dress she’d ever worn. And that included her wedding dress.
The dress was made of chiffon and lace in a deep shade of burgundy. It had a sweetheart neckline and an empire waist to accommodate her bump. The most stunning part of the dress was the chiffon cape that flowed from her shoulders, which were covered in lace. Her arms were bare, but the cape offered a bit of coverage.
The dress was very comfortable. More comfortable than she would have expected a formal dress to be. The shoes, on the other hand, didn’t look like they were going to be comfortable at all.
As she looked in the mirror, Kiara marveled at how beautifully the hairstylist had styled her hair. She’d made the most of Kiara’s natural curls in the updo she’d created. And the woman who had done her makeup had done a great job of enhancing without overpowering her features.
Kiara hadn’t worn makeup much in her life, so she was glad someone had come in to do it. If she thought she could replicate what the woman had done, she might try to wear makeup more frequently.
