As she considered the remaining months of the pregnancy, Kiara knew she couldn’t keep it a secret for much longer. Not for the first time, she contemplated leaving the estate, going somewhere else to have her baby and raise it on her own.
However, her nausea deepened at the thought of being away from Angie. From the moment they’d first met as children, they’d been inseparable. But Angie didn’t need her the way she once had. Jude was her protector now. Her motivator. The role Kiara had played in Angie’s life had been taken away, and she didn’t know what that meant for their relationship.
Her hand drifted to her stomach. This little baby hadn’t asked to be born, especially to a single mom who wasn’t sure if she’d be a good mother.
Kiara hadn’t had the best examples of motherhood growing up, and the reality of becoming a mother worried her. All she could hope was that since she knew what hadn’t been good about how her birth mother and Sandra had related to her and the other children in their care, she could figure out how to be different in how she mothered this little one.
Despite her tough upbringing, she knew how to love. If it hadn’t been for Angie, she might not have known that. But having her for a sister—a sister who needed her—had taught Kiara how to love and care for someone.
“It’s you and me, little bean,” Kiara whispered. “I’ll love you with all my heart, and I hope that you’ll love me too.”
She’d always hoped that one day a man would love her like the men loved the women in the books she read. For a short time, she’d wondered if Julian could be that man for her. He’d seemed to enjoy the time they spent together talking. But then had come the night when, in an alcoholic daze, things had moved beyond just talking.
Kiara hadn’t been as intoxicated as Julian that night, but she’d been no less impaired when it came to the decision she’d made to allow things to progress the way they had. Looking back now, she could see that a misguided hope that she and Julian had been forging something real had caused her impairment.
It was only in the days following that night, when she realized he didn’t remember what had happened, that the hope that he might have feelings for her had died. It had been foolish of her to think that someone of Julian Burke’s caliber would ever look at someone like her as anything other than a passing fancy.
Having a man choose to love her had seemed to be a lofty dream even before she had a baby as part of the equation. Now, they came as a package deal, and the prospect of raising a child that wasn’t theirs might turn men off.
“You and me, bean,” Kiara murmured. “You and me.”
Kiara swallowed against a sudden wave of nausea and closed her eyes, not bothering to fight the exhaustion that drew her into oblivion.
Kiara woke with the feeling that she was going to throw up. Scrambling out of bed, she bolted into the bathroom. Thankfully, by this point, she had plenty of practice making that particular trip.
Once it was over, she rinsed her mouth, then washed her face. When she looked in the mirror above the sink, she winced at her appearance.
She looked like death warmed over. Dark circles shadowed her eyes, and her skin was pale, even beneath the light tan that was her natural skin color. And to top it off, her dark curls were a tangled mess.
"This is worth it," she reminded herself, gently touching her still-flat stomach. "We're going to be okay."
A soft knock sounded at her bedroom door, and Kiara froze, hoping it was Angie. She wasn't ready to face anyone else yet, especially not looking like this.
"Kiara? Are you in there?" It was Angie's voice, soft and concerned.
"Just a minute," she called, quickly splashing more cold water on her face and running her fingers through her tangled hair.
When she opened the door, Angie looked at her with concern. “Were you sick again?
“Yeah.” Kiara turned away from the door, leaving it open as an invitation. “Same old, same old.”
“How did your appointment go?” Angie asked as she followed Kiara to the bed and settled beside her on it.
“It went well.” Kiara plucked at the fabric of the comforter she’d drawn over her legs. “The doctor asked me if I wanted to keep the baby.”
“She was offering you an abortion?” Angie asked, her tone incredulous.
“No. She was suggesting adoption,” Kiara corrected.
There was a long moment of silence before Angie said, “Are you considering that?”
Kiara shook her head. “I know not every adoptive family is like ours was, but having the experience we had with Jim and Sandra… Well, I can’t take the risk.”
“Oh, I’m glad,” Angie said. “You won’t be alone. I’ll be with you through all of this.”
“I just hope I’m going to be a good mom,” Kiara said, voicing the one big fear she had.
Angie reached out and grabbed her hand. “You’ve been a great big sister to me. You’ve always cared for me and protected me. You’ll be a great mom.”
