"I happened." Elijah's jaw tightened. "I was drinking too much, disappearing for days at a time. She tried to help, tried to get me to see that I had value, despite what my dad might say. I wanted her type of faith, but I just couldn’t get past the twisted beliefs I grew up with.”
“She sounds like a wonderful woman.”
“She is,” Elijah said. “And stupid me took her for granted, believing her love for me would be enough that she’d still stick around, even with me acting the way I did. But since I’ve been here, I’ve realized that it wasmylove that wasn’t strong enough. I loved the numbness alcohol gave me more than I loved her. Because if I had loved her like I should have, I would have gotten help when she begged me to.”
“You’re here now,” Julian said. “That has to count for something.”
“Maybe,” Elijah said with a shrug. “But I don’t expect her to wait. She deserves better than me.”
“Maybe better than you in your previous state,” Julian said, though he wasn’t sure that was the right thing to say. “But you’re trying now. You’re getting help, right?”
“Yes. I’ve even requested a Christian counselor,” Elijah said. “I need someone who understands why faith plays such a big role in my struggles.”
“Both of my sisters are Christians,” Julian said.
Elijah angled a look at him. “You have sisters?”
“Yeah. It’s a long story. I also have a half-brother.”
“Do you get along with them?”
Julian considered his relationship with his siblings. Honestly, they’d been no better than the one he had with his dad.
“I’m not close to them,” Julian said. “Annie gets after me about my drinking, and we argue at times. Benji’s a lot younger than me. He’s still in high school.”
“I’m sure that they care about you,” Elijah said. “Your sisters are probably praying for you.”
Julian nodded, because each of them had told him that in the days leading up to his departure for the center. He’d even gotten a text from Cole, Annie’s boyfriend, letting him know he’d be praying for him.
He hadn’t known how to respond to that, so he’d just thanked the man.
“Have they ever talked to you about their faith?”
“Annie’s tried,” Julian said. “But I haven’t really been interested.”
“Do you mind if I talk about it?” Elijah asked. “It’s such an integral part of my life.”
“Despite your experience with your father, you still want to claim the same faith as him?”
“There is a genuine faith,” Elijah said, gazing down into his coffee. “But my father only wore his faith as a cloak, to be taken off as soon as he was behind closed doors.”
Though Duncan wasn’t necessarily the same in public as he was in private, the changes weren’t negative. He was stern and forceful when dealing with business matters, but when he was with the family, he was generally more laid-back.
Julian had often chafed at the restrictions Duncan wanted to implement for the family, especially regarding safety, but he’d known it was because he was worried about something horrible happening to them. Duncan had never gotten past the kidnapping of Annie and Angela.
Hearing about Elijah’s experience with his father made Julian a bit more grateful for what he had with Duncan.
“Is your wife a Christian?”
Julian actually had no idea, but given she was so close with Angela, it was possible. “I’m not sure. She’s best friends with one of my sisters, so it’s possible she is.”
Elijah gave him a curious look, the earlier sadness gone from his expression. “It really is complicated, isn’t it?”
“What?”
“Your marriage. You don’t seem to know her very well.”
Julian sighed. “I don’t. After a night of drinking, we made a decision that resulted in her getting pregnant.”
