She’d told herself that sharing the night hours with him meant nothing more than he was being a supportive co-parent. But it had been hard not to feel that he was also there because he cared about her and wanted to help her.
Things had been going so well that she’d actually begun to hope that maybe there was a chance for them. And now she realized that perhaps she’d made a huge mistake.
“To be honest, I haven’t been too focused on it,” she said slowly. “TJ has kind of taken up most of my thoughts.”
Julian nodded as a small smile crossed his face. “He is pretty demanding for such a little body.”
Kiara looked down at him, lying so peacefully in her arms as he nursed. Unbidden, an image of Julian with another family and TJ there with him came into focus in her mind.
The pain in her heart that followed was intense, and tears stung her eyes.
“Kiara,” Julian said.
She couldn’t look at him. Couldn’t let him see the hurt inside her. How could she explain what she was feeling right then?
“Yeah?” She busied herself burping TJ, then transferring him to the other side.
Silence was heavy in the room. He didn’t respond. She didn’t look at him. It felt like a standoff of some sort.
From the corner of her eye, she saw Julian slide off the bed. Her heart sank, thinking he was leaving the room.
Instead, he came to where she sat and sank down on the carpeted floor in front of her, crossing his legs. For a moment, she just stared at his legs, thinking of how it was a position she’d never seen him in before. It was easier to focus on that.
“Kiara. I didn’t mean to upset you. I just wanted to figure out where your thoughts might be regarding our future.”
“I didn’t realize that there was any option other than the one we agreed on when we got married.”
“So you still want a divorce?” Julian asked.
Kiara looked up at him then. “I wasn’t aware I had a choice.”
Julian frowned. “What?”
“When we agreed to marry, I understood that divorce was inevitable. You said that that was what we were going to do, so I’ve always assumed that was where we were going to end up.”
“So why are you so emotional now that I want to talk about the future?”
Kiara looked back down at TJ and tried to formulate a response. “I guess I’m just sad that the way things have been for the past two weeks is going to end. It’s been nice parenting TJ together, and I’ll miss that.”
“What if I tell you that I didn’t bring this up in order for us to settle on a date for the divorce?” Julian said.
Kiara focused on him again. “You want to put it off? For how long?”
“I don’t want to put off the divorce,” Julian said. “I want to cancel any plans we had for it. I’m not interested in getting divorced. I know it was my plan when we got married, but a lot has changed over the past several months.”
Kiara couldn’t argue with that, but even if she’d wanted to, she wouldn’t have been able to because he’d left her speechless. And confused.
So he didn’t want a divorce? Where did that leave them? He wasn’t telling her that he loved her, so was this a business type of arrangement?
And if that was the case, was she interested in staying with him under those circumstances? Could she stay, knowing she loved him, when he might view their marriage completely differently?
“So what do you say?” Julian asked, his expression serious. “Would you be willing to turn this from a temporary marriage into a permanent one?”
Though there was still a shadow of hesitancy in her heart, there was a practical side of her that accepted that it would be better for TJ if they stayed married. Julian had proven to be a good man… a good father… and he treated her very well, even though he didn’t love her.
The situation could definitely be worse.
“Yes. I would.”
