Max tossed and turned all night.Why did I have to go and say that?It didn’t seem to matter that he was trying to help Marshall. He had made things worse for his mate, and then much worse for himself.It doesn’t matter anyway. Not like she was the sort of woman who would live on his farm and be happy. Not with her perfect hair, designer clothes, and sassy-city attitude. The thought of her caused his body to respond. But it wasn’t just that. There was a tightness in his chest, a longing to simply see her again, to apologise properly this time.
She’s not going to forgive me.He’d seen the hurt in her eyes. He groaned as if in pain. He’d gone too far trying to dominate her when in the carpark.I’m a fucking tool.He put his pillow over his head and yelled into the softness. It smelt faintly of Zoe, the floral perfume she wore, with a hint of vanilla, that part which was her.
The tightness around his chest increased. Max knew he needed to do something.But what?This is how his mind cycled through the thoughts.There’s nothing I can do to bring her back to me. He wasn’t satisfied with that. The ache inside of him over how he’d hurt Zoe was getting worse.
Max had rung her later, but she didn’t pick up. So he’d sent a message or two last night saying sorry.If I can just see her again maybe I can convince her it wasn’t the real me she saw last night. It wasn’t the real him, not really. The problem was though, his behaviour last night had become part of his reputation, his attempt to keep women away from wanting to commit to him. It had served him well for years, until now, after meeting Zoe and beginning to develop feelings for her.
She’s not going to see me now. I just have to accept that this is the life I’ve chosen.
Single.
Forever.
Max rolled out of bed and went to have a shower. The hot water pelted his skin. He couldn’t get Zoe out of his mind, that there had been something more developing between them and it wasn’t at all lost if only he could come up with a way to right his wrong. Trying to come up with an answer of how to do that was sending his stomach into tight, painful knots. He was going back to the farm tomorrow morning and didn’t know where she lived, though he could hardly turn up to see her that would sort of be stalking. She wasn’t going to answer his phone calls. He could only assume she would at least read his text messages, and so far he had only said sorry.I need to dig deeper. He had to show her he was on his knees over this.Do I really have something to offer her? Take her away from city life?There was no way he could live in the city. He shook his head and turned off the water. He didn’t care about the details like that. If anything, if he could only get her to see the positive impact she’d had on him in a few days, and that he was genuinely sorry, then that would have to be enough.
He got out the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist. Dripping, he rushed to his phone. He picked it up and typed.
I know you don’t want to see me, and there’s no way you’ll forgive me. I want you to know, you make me want to live fully again, you give me hope that there’s something worth living for. You. No other woman has done that. You’re special. I blew it. And deserve to be lonely for the rest of my life. You deserve better. I only wished that I was the man to give you that.
Max hit send before he changed his mind. It was the most heartfelt message he’d ever sent anyone. He felt good, but that was tainted because of his behaviour.Let it go. He knew he was going to struggle to do that. He couldn’t help but think that if it was meant to be between Zoe and him, that there would be some higher intervention or something, even though he didn’t believe in that shit.
He threw his phone on the bed.Let it go. He knew how it felt to be treated wrongly by someone he’d loved. That was exactly what he’d done now. It was bad enough what he’d said to Marshall, but then the way he treated Zoe in the carpark only made it so much worse.
I love her?The pain in his chest told him the answer.
Yes. It defied all logic. He hardly knew her. It was too soon.
Yet, he’d been willing to let her close to him. He’d let no other woman that close since his ex-wife had cheated on him and left him.
There was so much he wished he could say to Zoe not just in the hope that she would forgive him, and they could pick up where they had stopped, but so she could get a clearer picture of who he really was. That was what she was trying to get him to do last night.I wasn’t ready. And he wasn’t sure he was ready now, or that he could find the words to explain to her. He hated being like this, a mess of emotions.
Best I high tail it back to the farm. He began to get ready to go into the show for the last day. Tomorrow he would be heading homewards.I’ll be right then. He knew he wouldn’t. The only way he thought he had any chance of changing this situation around was to try and see Zoe.If only she was going to be at the show and would meet me. He didn’t want to send a message to her saying that. He knew she wouldn’t want to see him. He didn’t blame her. He kept repeating to himself to let it all go, as he left his hotel room to walk to the showgrounds. He wanted to at least respect her, and hounding her to meet him wasn’t showing her respect. The bottom line was that he’d messed up big time.
The last place Zoe wanted to go on a Friday night was back to the show, but somehow Billie and Ellie had found out that there was a scene with Max and wanted to see her. She’d left work a little early, saying she didn’t feel well, which wasn’t exactly a lie. It had been a big week, and she was exhausted. More than usual.
I just need an early night and a restful weekend.I’ll be right by Monday. But she couldn’t shake this tiredness. Or her friends’ persistence to come and meet them one last time. So she did. She didn’t want them to worry about her. It wasn’t as if she’d even shed a single tear over this entire incident with Max. He wasn’t worth it.
She made sure that they at least didn’t meet anywhere near the cattle, or the Jumbuck. The last person she wanted to see was Max. Though his last text message had gotten under her skin, as well as squeezing at her heart. But she refused to give in to her feelings. She knew there was an attraction and connection forming, not just from her but from him as well. And she guessed from his past with his ex-wife that he’d been so hurt he couldn’t handle what was happening between them. But it didn’t excuse him to treat her with such disrespect. She hurt too much herself now to be able to forgive him.
Zoe spotted Billie ahead in the crowd by the Secretary’s office. Through a series of text messages, they had decided on ice cream for their meet up.
“Hey you,” said Billie, she gave Zoe a hug. “Are you all right?”
Zoe felt the first sign of tears form in her eyes and quickly blinked them away. “I am. He’s not worth getting upset over.” She braced herself for an ‘I told you so,’ but Billie didn’t say anything more about it.
“Ellie’s coming, she’s just a bit late.”
“How did the shearing go?”
Billie shrugged. “Good. I made it to the next round.”
“Great.” Zoe smiled. “You’ll beat him.” She knew Billie was keen to win, or at least place higher than her ex.
“I bloody hope so. But it’s you I’m worried about.”
“Nothing that a bit of ice cream can’t fix and a chat with friends. Easy come and easy go.” Zoe suppressed the burning emotions that were surfacing. It wasn’t going to be easy at all. She’d struggled all day to forget about him, and the messages he left didn’t help. I should block him but she couldn’t bring herself to do that. She wasn’t sure why.
“Come on then, Ellie will catch up.”
