Master Derek nodded, his voice just as gentle. “You don’t have to decide right now. And you don’t have to tell anyone anything before you’re ready. Or at all. As long as your secrets don’t put anyone at the Ranch in danger, they’re yours to keep.”
Sydney let out a shaky breath, overwhelmed by the tenderness in both their faces. And for the first time, she wondered if she could be that brave woman. The one who bared it all and took the risk.
“Can I… can I think about it?” she asked, voice small but hopeful. “All of it? The detective. Where I stay. And… telling you the rest?”
“Of course you can, little miss,” Levi said, his thumb brushing the back of her hand, grounding her. “Take all the time you need. We’re not going anywhere.”
And as she left the office, the afternoon sun shining through the windows, its warmth on her face , Sydney felt the weight of her choice pressing down—but also, for the first time in solong, a flicker of hope that maybe, just maybe, she wasn’t alone anymore.
Chapter Nineteen
Sydney
She’d taken a walk after her session with Dr. Catherine Denten. The gravel crunched under her boots, the late afternoon sun not quite enough to warm her in the brisk chill of the winter air, but she was so lost to the churning of emotions inside her that she didn’t notice any of it.
It hadn’t been a miracle, that one session. Honestly, Sydney didn’t know what she’d expected, but she most certainly hadn’t gone in broken and come out healed. And really, it was silly to think anyone would. But she’d hoped, maybe, to feellighter. Instead, she felt… raw. Like she’d peeled back a scab and wasn’t quite sure what to do with the wound underneath.
The doctor had been kind. Steady. And, to her surprise, sharing with her had helped, even if it felt like she was peeling away layers of herself as she was telling bits and bobs of her story. Sydney knew now, though, no matter what she chose—whether she stayed or went home—therapy would have to be part of it. Here or back in South Africa. Even if she didn’t feel like she was miraculously healed, she knew that if she wanted to get out of this endless spiral of self-loathing, mistrust and self-sabotage, she’d have to get help.
Except… when she thought of going back, the idea didn’t feel likegoing home.
That realization had hit her like a punch to the gut.
South Africa was where she grew up. Where her job, her friends, her old life waited. But when she pictured it now, it felt… distant. Like somewhere she’d visited once. Like somewhere she didn’t quite belong anymore.
Thinking of it now, it was the first sign. The first sign that she’d already started making her choice, whether she wanted to admit it out loud or not.
But she couldn’t decide about what to do next, where to go next, not really, until she did this one important thing.
Until Levi and Roland knew the whole of her. The parts she was proud of, and the parts that made her want to crawl out of her own skin. Until she saw how they’d look at her after.
She should feel silly for making such a big deal of it. For letting it weigh so heavy. But to her itwasa big deal. To her, it felt like a huge mountain that seemed almost impossible to traverse some days. And it mattered that they knew. All of it. Sydney wouldn’t be able to trust that they were really in it until they knew everything.
That’s why she’d asked to meet them in one of the playrooms of the main building. It was neutral ground. And a place where she might feel braver.
And when she stepped inside, her breath caught.
She should have known that they’d do this. They always thought of everything.
A fresh stack of coloring pages waited on a low table. She wasn’t sure but it looked like a bunch of princesses, puppies, and dinosaurs in cowboy hats. A new sippy cup sat beside them, bright pink with smiling strawberries and bananas. Her chest squeezed at the sight of it.
Of coursethey’d done this. Of course they’d tried to make it easier. That was just who they were.
And somehow, that only made it harder for her.
Because how was she supposed to tell them all of her secrets, her imperfections? How was she supposed to break herself open in front of men who were this good, this thoughtful, this safe?
She crossed to the table, running a finger over the smooth plastic of the cup, tracing the happy little fruit like they might give her courage. She could hear her heart pounding in her ears.
The door creaked open behind her, and she didn’t have to turn to know it was them. She felt them. The quiet strength of Levi, the steady warmth of Roland. They didn’t crowd her. Didn’t speak right away. Just… let her have a moment. And then they were there, surrounding her. Levi’s warm hand settled on her back, rubbing softly right as Roland placed a sweet kiss on her temple. Their simple, casual affection gave her the courage she needed to take the next step.
She sent a tentative smile their way before she took a shaky breath and sank to the floor, grabbing a purple crayon in hands that trembled more than she liked. She stared at the page, the outline of a cute cartoon puppy, and tried to find words.
None came. Dammit. She needed to do better than this.
“I, uh…” Her voice cracked, and she cleared her throat. Tried again. “Thank you for this. For… the cup. And the pages. I didn’t expect…” She trailed off, blinking fast, and focused on coloring in one of the puppy’s ears. “You make it hard. In a good way. Harder to say this. Because you’re so… perfect. And I’m not.”
She felt them settle close, not too close, just near enough that she could feel their presence without it overwhelming her.
