Or maybe, if she didn’t move, just stayed here in bed, she could keep living in a fantasy world.
She would be living at the Ranch full time. Her days would be filled with doing a few hours of work, spending time in class with her Little friends, and she’d use the evenings to fall in love with two handsome Daddies.
She would be carefree, and open to it. Open to the possibility of more.
She definitely wouldn’t be lying in her warm, cozy bed, worried about what a big risk it would be to open her heart to them. Worried about what it would do to her fragile heart and pride if Levi and Roland weren’t everything they’d promised to be.
Her fingers brushed her lips, and heat flooded her cheeks at the memory of their kisses last night. The way Levi had takencharge, left no doubt of what he wanted from her. Left no doubt that what he wanted washer.
And Roland. He was so sweet, steady and kind. There was a generosity to him. Everything about him pretty much shouted at her that he would give, and give, and give of himself until everything that was missing from her was filled in.
Which brought her to her other worries.
What if theydidn’tbreak her heart and she fell in love with them, only for them to realize she was in no way good enough for them? Or just not plainenoughfor them?
Oh my goodness, she was all over the place. No wonder she couldn’t sleep.
Her stomach twisted. Sydney didn’t know how to be this person. The one who let herself be wanted. The one who opened up and wanted back.
And then there was Greg. Oh goodness. What if Greg somehow found out she was thinking about a relationship with other men. Would that make him act out even worse?
The weight of it all pushed tears to her eyes, but she blinked them back. No. Not now. Not here where someone might see her cry. She’d shown enough weakness.
Needing air, needing space, Sydney dressed quietly and hoping to slip out, put on her socks and shoes. While she was putting on her scarf, Chloe sat up, a mess of hair spilling over her shoulders, and her face all adorably scrunched up. Her new friend and roommate looked adorably sleepy, and Sydney felt instant regret at having woken her up.
“Syd,” Chloe mumbled, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. “Where you going?”
“Just out,” Sydney murmured, looking down at her feet.
“Hmmm. It’s awful late to go out. I don’t think it’s even legal for Littles to get up and out of bed this late. Wanna talk about whatever it is that chased you and Banana outta bed?”
Sydney gave a weak laugh and flopped down beside her friend on her bed, wrapping her arms around her stuffed bunny. “Is it really that obvious there’s something to talk about?”
Chloe didn’t say anything in response, just looked at Sydney with a calm, open expression on her face.
Sydney hesitated, chewing her lip. Could she do this? Be brave? Chloe felt like a safe option. Maybe it was time for Sydney to take those baby steps.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” Sydney whispered. “Last night was so... it was everything I’d ever dreamed about having with a Daddy, only well... my dreams didn’t have two of them. But now I’m terrified. Like maybe I let it go too far. Like I shouldn’t have let them—” Her voice cracked, and she looked away.
“Let them what?” Chloe’s tone was gentle, not nosy.
“Kiss me. Want me.” Sydney’s throat felt tight. “I feel like I’m making a mess of it all, because I don’t know what the heck is happening with me.” She flung her arms in the air from her position on the bed. “What if I fall for them, and they hurt me? What if they fall for me and realize I’m a big fat fraud? What if I wake up tomorrow and they tell me that I’m not enough for them?”
Her friend was quiet for a beat, then reached out and took Sydney’s hand, squeezing it tight. “Honey, those are a lot of feelings for one Little to deal with. And none of them are too much. You’re allowed to have all of them. You’re also allowed to want more from those handsome Daddies, and be wanted by them.”
Sydney shook her head. “I don’t know if I am. You don’t know... my past... I’m not exactly the kind of woman who gets her happily ever after, Chloe.”
Chloe’s gaze softened even more. “Hey, we all have our stuff, Syd. I don’t have to know your story to know you are an amazingperson. Sweet, friendly, and very deserving of good things. But if youwantto tell me...”
Sydney swallowed hard.. The words wanted to come. Sheneededto share. But they felt stuck, heavy with shame and fear.
“There was someone. A long time ago,” she said haltingly. “Someone who took away something very important from me. Ended up making me feel very unsafe and because of that I lost my life as it was.” She stared at the floor. “It was my own fault. I ignored what was happening. Got greedy.” Sydney knew she wasn’t making sense, that the details she was sharing with her friend were nothing more than disjointed sentences, but it was all she could manage right then.
“After everything blew up in my face, I packed up, moved to a new town and started over. Since then I haven’t trusted myself. Not until Greg. And we both know how that turned out for me.” Sydney curled in on herself, clutching Banana to her chest. “I can’t trust my judgment anymore, Chloe.”
“Oh, Sydney...” Chloe’s voice was thick with emotion. She curled herself around Sydney, holding her tight. “That wasn’t your fault. I don’t need all the details to know you’re not a bad person, and that means you don’t deserve bad things happening to you. I’m even more sorry that Greg broke the trust you gave him. Broke what little trust you had in yourself.”
They were quiet for a while, the only sounds in the room that of Sydney’s soft sobs.
