I’ve stared at it more times than I care to admit. I might have even saved a copy to my phone and made it my wallpaper. They say the heart is in the eyes and if that’s true, Keaton is showing me his and it’s pure. Good.
Keaton isn’t just a man to me, he might actually betheman.
And that’s what made me say yes when he suggested we get married.
Loving my father almost destroyed my mom, and I fear that not giving Keaton a chance will haunt me forever.
“Yeah,” I confirm, letting her know I’m aware of what are gazes were saying.
“I don’t want what your father did to me to warp your views on love.”
“How could it not?” I’m not trying to be rude, but there’s no way it wouldn’t impact me. “Aren’t you mad at him?” Of course, she wishes my father were the man he portrayed himself to be, but she’s never expressed regret about her time with him. Only that she didn’t question him when she first became suspicious.
“Lily girl,” she sighs. “I’m disappointed in him, but I will forever be thankfulforhim.”
“How?”
“He gave me you. I would go through every ounce of emotional pain he caused me a thousand times if it meant I still had you.. And, though it’s harder and hurts to remember them right now, your father and I did have some good times. I choose to focus on what I gained in that marriage rather than what I lost.” If a woman who’d been cheated on, publicly betrayed in the worst way possible, can still be hopeful about love, then what right did I have to disagree? As if she’s reading my mind, and she just might because that’s what moms do, she urges, “Give him a chance, sweetie. The risk might just very well be worth the reward.”
“I want to,” I finally confess. “But what if…”
“My sweet daughter, not every man is your father. Treating them as if they are isn’t fair to them or you. I know you’re trying to avoid being hurt, but what if, in doing so, that’s exactly what happens?”
Am I hurting myself if I avoid taking a risk with Keaton?
I mean, I know he’s not perfect, nor did May try to portray him as such, but neither am I. For example, I’m scared to be loved. Scared I won’t be enough to keep that love.
“I looked him up,” I tell her, to which she said she isn’t surprised.
“What did you find?”
“Nothing.”
I know how thorough people can be, so I’d braced myself while I waited for the results to pop up. I hadn’t needed to. Every single one showed him to be an absolute gentleman with nary a hint of any scandal or behavior that’d besmirch his character. By all accounts, he can do, and has done, no wrong.
No pictures with him and any woman.
No rumors of drug use, drinking, nor buffet style dining…if you get my drift.
My father sure couldn’t resist the variety at his fingertips.
There wasn’t even a mention of Keaton and a female in his younger years.
Doesn’t mean there wasn’t or hasn’t been since, only that it’s not common knowledge.
My kiss with him may have been my first period, but I highly doubt the same can be said of him.
“Are you upset his mom never told you what he does?”
“Not in the least,” I tell her, meaning it. “I know some would exploit that for their own gain and, though I’m nothing like that, it’s probably become instinctual for her to protect him.”
“She had no way of knowing that you’d like him in spite of his profession.”
“Truthfully, I’m proud of what he’s accomplished. The discipline it must’ve taken to set a goal and achieve it is awe-inspiring. But I’m more interested in who he is rather than what he does.
“I don’t regret falling for your father, but you may regret not letting yourself for Keaton.”
That warning sticks with me long after we hang up and is still there when Keaton returns, bearing gifts of lunch. Italian. My mouth waters at the smell of pasta and I realize I skipped breakfast. I’d intended to eat when Keaton was gone but got stuck in my head. The need for sustenance got knocked out by what my mom had to say and figuring out what’s best for me. Now, though, it’s come roaring back and I’m wondering if Keaton brought enough for himself.
