“I’m sorry.” I can’t imagine not being close to my dad. It seems she at least has her mom, which is good.
“He made some bad choices and it impacted how I view him. I haven’t talked to him since the news broke.”
It’s plain to see this is a painful topic for her, and I never want to do anything to hurt her, so I stop her. “You don’t have to continue.”
“I know, but I think I need to. I’ve been measuring his actions against yours and…”
“Waiting to see if I fail you, too?”
“When you phrase it that way, I sound like a bitch.”
“Do not ever insult yourself,” I demand, hating that I may have inadvertently caused her to view herself in that manner. “If someone hurt you, especially if it was your father, you are warranted in being cautious. Parents are the people that we’re supposed to be able to depend on without condition, and it seems like he didn’t uphold that.”
“I want to truly give us a chance, Keaton.” Thank God. “But you need to know about my baggage. It might be too much foryou. Just know that, if you’d rather not deal with it, I won’t hold it against you.”
“I would,” I state. “I’m not running the second an obstacle appears. That would imply you aren’t worth overcoming it and that’s the farthest from the truth.”
*Lily**
“My birth name is Lily Wren Matthews.” My mom wanted me to have a piece of her family’s heritage, so she and my father made my middle her maiden. So, it made sense to take it as my last when I wanted to erase that connection to my father. Mom, of course, took it back as well once the divorce was finalized. “You may have heard of my father,” and his exploits, “Kyle Matthews.” I see the name register.
“He’s a football legend.” The second that leaves his mouth, I see his face change. He’s remembering more recent stats attributed to my father.
Thirteen women coming forward to confess they’ve slept with him, and there’s probably more that haven’t announced it.
A twenty-five-year marriage ending because of it.
One daughter.
“Yeah.”
“He was my childhood hero.”
“Mine, too,” I admit.
“I’m not him, fy seren. I would never do that.” Keaton tightens his hold on me.
“Why do you call me that?”
“It means my star in Welsh.”
“May told me that her son, you,” I correct with a grin, “decided to learn the language after a school project revealed it was in your ancestry.”
“I stopped devoting as much time to it when I started playing football. I remember a bit of it, but nowhere near the amount I had studied.”
“Now that I know what it means, I have to ask again. Why do you call me that?”
“You brightened my life. I just knew I’d follow you anywhere, like a compass guiding the way to my future.”
**Keaton**
When she drops her gaze, like she can’t stand to look at me, my insecurities threaten to rise. The possibility of Lily rejecting me undoes the years of therapy I’d gone through. Why would someone as perfect as her want to be with a man like me? I close my eyes, not even wanting to risk seeing my reflection in the window in front of me. I know the other version of me will be staring back at me. The kid that was ridiculed, not the man that I am now.
I try to focus on the fact I’m sitting in my house, not my parents’. Something the young Keaton wouldn’t have. That I have a woman,the woman, on my lap, again an adult occurrence.
My therapist told me when the doubts sneak up on me to concentrate on things that will show me who I am. That the mirror will lie, but facts can’t.
Unfortunately, it’s not working. Maybe seeing the intertwined MM tattoo on my upper arm in the team’s colors along with my jersey number of ten, and the date I was drafted will. If that doesn’t snap me out of this spiral…
