“That’s basically what I told her,” Jackson says from beside us, making me roll my eyes.
“Can I see him?” I can’t imagine coming all this way and not being allowed in the room, and I didn’t even consider the possibility until now. I’m not his wife, a family member, or his fiancée. Does the child I’m carrying count? I’m relieved I don’t have to pull that card when she answers.
“You can, but I should warn you… Rebecca’s there, right at his bedside. Your secret will be out the minute she sees you.”
Jackson snorts. “You got that right.”
I backhand him in the arm. “Shut up.” Turning back to Lily, I say, “How did Sebastian handle the news?”
She asked me last night if letting him in on my secret was okay since she knew I’d be here today. She didn’t want to spring it on him and add to the stress he’s already under. She also wanted to be the one to tell him and explain why she didn’t say anything, which I totally understand.
She winces. “Weird is the only word I have for it. But thankfully, he’s not mad at me for keeping it from him…or mad at you,” she tacks on when my head drops in shame. “Don’t worry, I’ll explain later. Come on, though, let’s get you in there.”
“What do I tell Rebecca when she sees I’m pregnant?” I ask as we weave through the hospital. Thank goodness she met us at the entrance because I never would have found my way.
“That it’s Eli’s and she should bow out now.”
Jackson belts out a laugh next to me.
“Lily, I’m serious, what do I say?”
“Iwasbeing serious. But if you’re not ready for that, then don’t say anything at all. What’s she gonna do—ask who the father is? No one does that.”
“Okay, you’re right. I won’t say anything. She’s probably too distraught to care anyway.”
“Right…,” Lily says sarcastically as she rolls her eyes, which makes me wonder if she’s genuinely getting bad vibes from Rebecca or if her animosity is only because she’s in the way of Eli and me being together—something that isn’t even on the table.
We come to a door, and she stops, turning to me. “Are you ready?”
Not in the slightest.
I nod.
She looks to Jackson. “Do you mind waiting outside? I don’t think they want too many people in the room at once. Actually, Sebastian needs a break—would it be okay if I ask him to go with you to grab coffee or something?”
“Sure. I’ll be right here. Send him out.” He smiles and leans his back against the wall.
The door opens into a bright room, the sun shining through the large window. The first thing I notice is Sebastian sitting on a love seat against the wall, and then the beeping from a machine in the background. I’m afraid to look toward the bed. I haven’t asked specifics and have no idea if he has a tube down his throat or is breathing on his own. I don’t know if he’s bruised or bloody or what the hell to expect, and now I’m kicking myself for not thinking of these things earlier. Suddenly the urgency to see him is overshadowed by thefearof seeing him.
So as a stall tactic, I walk straight toward Sebastian, who’s now standing, and hug him.
“I’m so sorry, Sebastian. He’ll be okay.”He has to be.
Both are sentiments one is supposed to say but have more meaning for me than anyone knows.
“He will. He has more to live for than just me now.” His arms tighten for a millisecond at the last statement before releasing me. I’m sure he’s referring to what Lily told him last night, but Rebecca probably assumes he’s talking about her.
She’s facing away from the door and hasn’t seen me yet, so there’s no way she’ll make the connection. Stepping back, Sebastian glances at my stomach before quickly returning his gaze upward. His suffering is written in his features, and once again, the guilt creeps in, knowing I possibly could’ve prevented this from happening.
Unable to hold back any longer, I turn around to take in the scene. Rebecca sits in a chair next to the bed, blocking Eli’s face.His listless body under the covers is all that’s in view. She’s angled away, so she won’t set eyes on me unless she turns her head or I walk around for my first glimpse of Eli, which I’m still gathering the courage to do.
Before I take the first step, Lily cuts in. “Sebastian, Jackson is waiting for you in the hallway. He’s hoping you’ll go grab coffee and fill him in on everything. Would you mind?” she asks innocently, then addresses Rebecca. “And Rebecca, since Cici is here to watch Eli for a bit, would you mind going with me for something to drink or eat? We could all use a short break, don’t you think?”
Sebastian knows precisely what she’s doing, so he agrees immediately, while Rebecca responds with a shrug. Stopping at the bed on his way to the door, he puts a hand on Rebecca’s shoulder. “Go with Lily. She’s right. We all need a break.”
She nods and mumbles an acceptance. Then Sebastian stares down at Eli for a moment. My eyes water at his anguish, apparent in his slumped shoulders and fisted hand, as he looks at his brother, powerless as the rest of us to fix the situation. My heart breaks for him as he walks out the door. He’s a different man than the Sebastian I’m used to.
“You ready, Rebecca?” Lily asks quietly. It’s nice of her to do this, considering she doesn’t even like the woman. The opportunity for a few minutes alone with Eli means the world to me. It’s a bad idea to show my feelings in front of Rebecca, and I won’t be able to conceal them when I finally glimpse his face.
