His concern is sweet, and it’s obvious he cares, which sends me into another fit of tears. “It’s been perfect until now. What if…?” I sniffle, unable to say the words.
“Ssssh. Everything’s okay. Look, we’re almost there,” Poppy coos next to me. “Don’t cry, sweetie. Stay strong for the baby.”
I’m frantically wiping my tears away as we pull into the parking lot when the car jostles over a bump, making me hiss from another jolt of pain.
“Shoot, I’m sorry. I was trying to hurry,” Matt apologizes.
Poppy pats his shoulder. “It’s okay, Matt. Thank you for taking us. Pull up in front of emergency, and we’ll go to labor and delivery from there.”
He gently swings the car in, slowly coming to a stop, careful not to shake me any more.
“Should I get a wheelchair?” Poppy stands at the open door with Matt walking up behind her.
Matt nods. “Go ahead. I’ll lift her in.”
“I can probably just walk.”
“No,” they both say in unison. It breaks the tension and causes us all to chuckle before Poppy heads inside to grab a chair.
Matt steps up to the seat and moves my hair behind my ear. “Hey. I’m sorry if I was harsh earlier. That wasn’t fair. I’m here for you if you need more people in your corner. I want to help if I can. I care about you… in a friendly way.” He winks, pulling another smile from me.
“Thanks, Matt. I could use the support. You’re only the third person to find out, so I’ll take you up on that. A guy’s perspective would be nice.”
“You got it. Head on in with Poppy, and I’ll park the car. I’ll be right behind you,” he says as he reaches to lift me into the chair Poppy parked behind him.
It’s still uncomfortable, and now that we’re here, I’m freaking out again. Am I being punished for not telling Eli? Is this what a miscarriage feels like? I thought I was past that point, but I guess it can happen at any time. Please, please don’t let that be what’s happening. Starting two months ago when I discovered a tiny life growing inside me, I’ve wanted this baby more than I’ve wanted anything in my life. Now, I’ll do anything to protect it.
After being checked in and settled into a room, Poppy and Matt sit beside the bed while Dr. Bell prepares to do an ultrasound. The nurse said the baby’s heartbeat is strong, thank God. It allowed for some relief, but I won’t be at ease until I’m assured that everything is okay.
We had to tell the staff that Matt was the father so they’d let him in the room, and it added another layer of guilt over keeping this fromEli. I’ve decided to call him tonight if everything turns out okay. Matt’s opinion is another reason for my decision because deep down I know he’s right—Eli deserves the truth.
This is my first ultrasound so far. I had one scheduled for Monday that I probably won’t need now. I’m still saying my prayers as Dr. Bell spreads warm goop all over my lower belly.
“All right, Cici, tell me how you’ve been feeling until this afternoon.” She starts moving a wand-type thing with a smooth, flat bottom over my stomach to spread the gel.
“Normal. Nothing out of the ordinary.”
“And what happened today?”
I told her everything from the copy room incident until we arrived at the hospital.
“How is your pain level now?” She moves the wand around, and the screen changes as she does, but I can’t make out a darn thing. She pauses, punching in numbers, repeating the pattern a few times, still not saying anything to ease my fear.
“It’s been better since I’ve been here, but I haven’t tried to stand yet, and that’s when it really hurts. Straightening is the worst.”
Dr. Bell smiles. “Well, I can assure you the baby is doing great. The heartbeat is strong, and everything is as it should be. Your placenta looks normal, and here—” She rubs the wand over a particular spot and finagles it for a few seconds before an unmistakable shape shows on the screen. “—is your baby.”
Poppy squeezes my hand as I wipe the tears away to see better. That’s my baby. Oh my God, I’m going to be a mother. It’s really happening, and an incredible feeling of joy washes over me. If only Eli were here to share this moment.
“Here you can see the heartbeat.” She wiggles the wand and points to a tiny, fast flutter on the screen.
I’m in awe—we all are.
“Wow. That’s so cool. You’re having a baby,” Poppy squeals and pumps my hand up and down.
“See? I wasn’t making it up,” I say sarcastically, and she rolls her eyes, smiling.
“Do you want to find out if it’s a boy or girl, or do you want to be surprised?” Dr. Bell asks.
