“WHAT? You can’t find someone without knowing what they look like. That’s the most important part—you’re crazy.”
“It’s perfect. They’ll be searching for the same thing I am, and not just out for sex. Without pictures, it’s about getting to know each other and connecting, rather than hooking up. Then, if you’re still interested after the required number of conversations, you can exchange photos if you want. Or skip it altogether and just be surprised when you meet, sort of like a blind date.”
To me, it sounds great, but leave it to Cici to point out the flaws.
“Yeah, but what if you totally hit it off with some guy and then he’s hideous? What do you say?Ohhh, sorry. You’re great and all, but I’m looking for someone more attractive.”
“Maybe it won’t matter by then—I might like him so much that I’ll think he’s cute anyway.”
“Then you need to enlist me to give you an unbiased opinion.”
“Cici, it’s not all about looks,” I chide.
“Tell that to your future children,” Cici deadpans.
I hit her with a pillow, and we fall into giggles again. “You’re awful.”
Abby’s cry sounds from the baby monitor.
Cici rises from the couch. “I’m honest. Let me get Abby and then we’ll do your profile. The sooner you find someone, the sooner I can say I told you so,” she calls back before she rounds the corner.
“Bitch,” I tease.
While she’s gone, I look through the app again. When I first found it, I thought the same as Cici, but after reading the explanation along with the reviews, it made sense. My basic requirements are specified, so the profiles that appear on my feed will at least meet a certain criteria. If I put in that I want someone who’s active, for example, they won’t match me with a couch potato, and so on.
Now that Cici’s filled my mind with doubts, though, I’m starting to have second thoughts. Still, it’s not like I’m committing by signing up. Plus, do I really care if I tell them I’m not interested after seeing their picture if I’ve never met them in person anyway? I’d say it’s worth a shot.
All I’m trying to do is prevent ending up with some manwhorelike Braden, whose only interest is sex. Good sex. But still, that’s not what I’m looking for. Well, I am, but to have that, I need to find someone special, and this is the first step to making that happen.
Cici comes back with a smiling Abby. I’m not sure if she’s ever not smiling; she’s such a happy baby. “All right, trade me. Take this little munchkin and hand me your phone. Let’s do this.”
I gladly hand it over and move to the floor with Abby to play with the little cutie. Rattling toys above her head and squeezing her little toes—I could stare at her forever. She’s fricking adorable. I’m sad we live so far apart, and I won’t be able to see her as often as I'd like. I’ll miss a lot, so I’m soaking it all in before flying home tomorrow.
“Okay, I got the basics in. It’s too bad you can’t put a requirement for a stallion in the bedroom, but I guess that would defeat your purpose for choosing this app,” Cici says as she continues with the phone.
“Plus, it would make me sound easy, and I’m not going for that.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know. All right, so how can we make sure you don’t get any losers?”
“Does it ask for income requirements or anything like that? Or profession preferences? What are all the options?”
“It looks like we can narrow it down for types of jobs, like professional versus just starting out, or student, which we’ll ixnay, of course. They do have a box to check for self-employed, but youcouldend up with a guy who owns a pooper-scooper company.”
“It doesn’t have to be perfect. I’ll still be able to choose the ones I want. We just need to specify the parameters for what appears on my feed. How about activity level, like whether they do sports or outdoorsy stuff?”
An hour later, I have a completed profile ready to submit. It takes twenty-four hours for them to approve it before it goes live. Then I’ll be shown profiles that meet my requirements. When I like someone who likes me in return, a match is made, and we’ll both be sent a notification.
After a certain number of messages back and forth, we’re allowed to exchange pictures if we choose. I’m not sure why anyone wouldn’t,unless they want to be surprised when they meet in person, but I think that would be worse—you’d have to suffer through the date at that point.
“All right, you ready?” Cici asks, holding my phone with her finger hovering over it, waiting for my approval to push the submit button.
Taking a deep breath, I nod, and she presses down. “Yay!” she exclaims. “You’re one step closer to a lifetime of naughty, virtuous sex. You’re welcome.”
Braden
It’s been two weeks, and I haven’t stopped thinking about my little mouse. I’ve tried, God knows I have, but between work, extra gym time, and even a visit to the club for a hookup, I’ve had no reprieve. Not to mention, no hookup was had since the woman I wanted was a thousand miles away.
So I’m caving, arriving at Eli and Cici’s under the pretense of visiting, so I can grill Cici about Poppy. I’m not sure what my goal is, but sitting around, obsessing over her isn’t doing any good—maybe at least talking about her will help. Fuck. Who am I kidding? Nothing can pull me out of this except the woman herself.
