“Hence, my intervention. So are you ready to hear my plan?”
“I’m all ears since nothingI’vedone has worked.”
“You should set up a profile on her new dating app.”
This time, I do spit my beer out. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”
She cracks up as Eli shakes his head.
“I told you you’d need that drink,” he says.
She can’t stop laughing as she speaks, “That’s… the crazy… thing. I’m… not… kidding,” she finishes while trying to catch her breath.
I can’t even crack a smile at the suggestion after the hell I’ve gone through. I can’t imagine where she’s going with this.
“Start explaining then,” I demand.
After she finally calms down, she tells me her insane idea. “What better way to fix the situation than the same way you fucked it up in the first place? Only this time, you’ll make the profile as yourself and fill it out for real. With pictures, mind you. The key is that all your answers will point to Poppy specifically when it asks what you’re looking for.”
“I like where you’re going with this, but how do we know she’ll see it?”
“Leave that to me. I’ll figure it out. I’ve already talked her into taking the day off from searching.”
“Oh shit, you really are serious.”
“Well, somebody needs to fix this craptastic mess, since you two knuckleheads can’t. Are you ready?”
“What? You want me to do it now?”
“Duh. I need to make sure you do it right. Plus, it needs to be in the system by tomorrow.”
I shake my head and sigh. When Cici puts her mind to something, there’s no getting out of it. This I’ve learned well over the years.
Forty-five minutes later, after completing the about information and uploading a photo, we reach the question section.
Cici bounces on the couch and claps her hands excitedly. “Yay. We’re finally to the good part. Hand me your phone.”
“Why?”
“So I can ask you the questions and input your answers. It’s more fun this way.” She smiles.
As I hand it over, Eli laughs and rises from the floor. “Time for another beer?”
“Apparently.” I chuckle, then add, “Since my hands are free.”
“Okay, first question, oooh, this is good. What are you looking for in a relationship?”
“Faithfulness—”
“No, this is where you make it all about Poppy specifically. So, your answer would go like this: Marriage and babies.”
“Seriously?”
She cocks her head to the side. “Do you want this to work or not?”
“Sure. Go for it.” I say exasperated, ready to move on.
Eli hands me a beer while chuckling. “Sucks to be you, man.”
