And nine times out of ten, a cheating spouse is involved, whether that’s why they’re divorcing or not. You’d be surprised by the amount of shit that surfaces while going through proceedings… things no one should hear about. Take it from me, people are fucked up.
“Have any of you? There aren’t many around.” I’m curious if anyone has the answer to my burning question. I could look up some redheaded porn, but A, they’re always shaved, and B, can you even trust that shit?
Heads shake around the table except for Justin, who answers, “I was years ago, and yes, the carpet matches the drapes.”
I full belly laugh. “That’s exactly what I asked her. She wasn’t too impressed, but fuck, why beat around the bush?” We all bust up laughing.
I hold my glass up, and they follow suit. “Fuck, that’s some funny shit, and I didn’t even plan it. Damn, now I wish I’d have hit the jackpot. Would’ve liked to addthatto my spank bank.”
“Most chicks are bare these days anyway. You probably wouldn’t have seen the proof. Also, if that’s how you talk to women, I’d say that may be your problem, man,” Jackson says.
He and I have been friends since our freshman year of college and were each other’s wingmen until he found Mia. Now they’re about to be married, and I’ll be the last man standing after this weekend. Fuck.
“Hey, douchebag, I don’t remember you being any better little more than a year ago. Just because you’re moving to the dark side doesn’t mean you need to dimmylights.”
“I’m just saying, you attract more bees with honey.”
“That’d be great advice if I were looking to get stung.”
“Touché,” Jackson says with a sip of his drink.
“So I take it Red didn’t give you her number?” Eli asks.
Eli and I became closer last year while Jackson was off searching for his bride. I saw Eli’s relationship with Cici develop firsthand. May have even given them a nudge or two in the right direction. They’d been dancing around each other forever, so when they finally sealed the deal after nearly three years, we were all relieved.
However, I’m not excited to be the only single one in our circle. At least I’ve still got Warren, who’s embracing his bachelorhood with me. He’s a little gentler than I am when it comes to smooth-talking and…other things, but that’s why we’re a good team. Nothing like a little sweetandsalty to make it just right for the ladies.
“She wouldn’t even give me her name,” I answer, earning jeers from the group.
“Dude, you bombed hard. No wonder you’re such a downer. She must have done a number on you if you’re not taking any women up on their offers so far. You could’ve had at least five already,” Jackson says.
“Nah. Tonight’s about you. Besides, I’m wiped, and since we’re all headed to the hotel after this, it doesn’t make sense to find a hookup. Your women better have some hot friends, though. Who’s the chick I’m walking with? Is she available?”
Eli answers, “We paired you with Cici’s friend Poppy, since you two are the only singles in the wedding party—other than Walker, who’s giving Mia away. But speaking of redheads, Poppy happens to be one, but she’s feisty. I’m not sure she’s your type.”
“What does that mean?” I ask suspiciously.
“Just means I don’t think she’d fall for your shit.” Eli chuckles, then adds, “Seems a little more conservative than you’re into anyway.”
“Fuck, as long as she’s not as mousy as the gal today, I can handle her.”
“Cici’ll kill you if you screw around with her friend,” Eli warns.
“You sure about that? Need I remind you she was into me before you?” I smirk as the rest of the guys shake their heads, having heard this story plenty of times.
“No, asshole, you don’t, since you like to throw it in my face as much as possible.”
“Well, I’m pretty sure bro code says what Cici doesn’t know won’t hurt her.” I look around the table, seeking the others’ agreement.
“Husband code says to fuck off,” Eli quips in return.
Sebastian releases a cough that sounds like bullshit, grabbing Eli’s attention.
“That was dire circumstances, and you know it,” Eli tells Sebastian. “Plus, it ended fine. You can’t keep holding that against me.”
The rest of the table is clueless at this point, but that tends to happen with those two. Twins, business partners, neighbors, and now a pair of long-time best friends for wives. It doesn’t get much cozier.
Sebastian ignores him, passing me advice instead. “I say go for it if she’s hot. Banging a bridesmaid should be on everyone’s bachelor list.”
