Me: Hope you did too.
I turn off my phone, so I’m not tempted to engage if he continues to respond. I really do need to get my head straight before I dive back in.
A week later, I’m huddled under the covers. The mountains are still, and the snow hushes the world outside when, in a flurry, his texts start coming through like whispered confessions. My resolve is weakening.
Dave: Now that you’re in my life, I can’t get you off my mind
Before I can even consider replying, the three little dots start to jump.
Dave: If you’re feeling down, I just want to make you happier
I stare at the lines for a long time, smiling through tears when I recognize the “Late Night Talking” lyrics before I finally type back.
Me: Okay, Harry Styles.
It takes less than a minute for his reply to pop up.
Dave: You caught that, huh?
Guess subtle isn’t my strong suit.
And just like that, it starts.Ourlate-night talking.
We keep it light at first. Simply small talk, jokes, the easy rhythm we fell into the night we met.
Dave: Any chance you’ll stay in Sycamore?
Me: Depends how allergic I am to small-town gossip.
Dave: Might as well stay and open a salon. At least you’ll hear all the gossip first.
This makes me giggle. He’s not wrong.
Me: I don’t know. I kind of want to stick around until Ellie and Matt’s babies arrive.
I pause before hitting send, my thumb hovering over the message. Because the truth I don’t write is that I don’t want to go anywhere. I’m surrounded by people who care about me, but I’ve never felt more anxious and unsettled. I’m torn between wanting to make a home amongst them and fear I’ll only bring harm their way.
A few days later, Christmas is upon us. I’d spent Christmas Eve with Matt and Ellie but moved to the B & B to stay with Betty who was in town for the holiday to give my friends the chance to build their own traditions for their first Christmas as husband and wife.
Betty and I enjoyed a leisurely breakfast at the inn before she headed back to Amelia Island. Later, I spoke with Liz and Margaret over video chat. It made me homesick for past holidays together. But not as melancholy as I was over wishing a certain firefighter would call.
I’d checked my phone on repeat throughout the day. Like the only possible reason I hadn’t heard from him had to be a dead battery. Or lack of cell service.Right?
My chest aches as I return to my friends’ home. He was probably with his mother. And I created this problem by pushing him away. So, I have no one to blame but myself. Yet as my phone begins to buzz near my hand, I spring upright so fast I’m surprised I don’t fall off of the bed.
Dave: Merry Christmas.
My heart is beating a million miles a minute. I watch the three dots blink, then vanish.
Dave: Hope Santa brought you what you wanted.
I type and delete a dozen replies before tossing the phone aside. My throat aches from the tight knot sitting there, and so does my heart. Is this smart? Doing this could either break my heart or bring my world back to life. And I need to be certain. I’ve put this man through enough. Biting my lower lip, I shoot out a text of my own.
Me: All I want…
My hands tremble as I type out the words.
All I want is to be snowed in with you.
