“That’s helpful,” she snarked.
“Well, it’s the truth. Trust is a precious commodity, especially among our community. Domination and submission both require an inordinate level of trust; what we do involves too much of our physical, emotional, mental selves to risk them without it.” Patient eyes locked on hers. “Ever hear ofKintsugi?”
“Is that a distant relative of Shibari?”
He laughed, deep and full. “Far from it. It’s a traditional Japanese artform, used to preserve history rather than throwing it away. They take a broken piece of pottery, use lacquer mixed with gold, silver, or platinum, and restore the object to its former glory.”
She shot him a bemused look. “It’s hardly returned to its former glory if it’s got gold streaks running through it.”
“True. Maybe not former glory, then—new, redefined glory. What was broken and useless becomes a statement, a worthless trinket turns into a piece of art.”
“Or everything that was wrong with it is forever on display for everyone to see.”
“Isn’t that what history is? Looking back to see the flaws and failures, the successes and triumphs? Learning from past mistakes and bringing that knowledge to the future. If you can find something stronger than the ashes of that ruined relationship toKintsugithat bond, you’re not highlighting your failures, Vi. You’re making a loud and clear statement, acknowledging the damage while fixing it.”
“Slapping superglue on it won’t guarantee it holds. The weakness is there.”
“It is if you believe trust is a solid, immovable thing. Think of it more fluidly. It shifts, ebbs and flows, grows and shrinksdepending on who you’re linked with at the time. A flexible entity can break, can shatter, if pushed to the extreme. It can also withstand a great deal more pressure than what we believe.”
“Anyone would think you want me to forgive the jackass.”
Merrick’s lips twitched. “I like the guy.”
“Everyone likes the fucking guy,” she muttered to herself. She sighed and rolled her lip between her teeth. “We’re giving it another try. Don’t look so smug, it has nothing to do with you or any of the other nosy idiots around here.”
“Idiots who love you,” he reminded her, “and like the jackass.”
“I get it; he has the universal seal of approval.”
“Which would be immediately revoked if he hurt you again. We love you, Vi,” Merrick repeated solemnly, “and we want you to be happy. He does make you happy when your guard’s down. Maybe you think we can’t see it or maybeyoudon’t, but he’s ready to step up to the plate.”
“He scares me.”
“How?”
Where to begin? “He has a violet tattooed on his chest for every year we were together, plus the two we weren’t. There’s an ring in his pocket he upgrades every year, and a whole world he’s built for me back home; he wants marriage and kids, for us to rule like royalty over his kingdom. He has the potential to drown me again, pull me under until I’m the adoring submissive fawning over his every command.”
Merrick’s eyebrow quirked inquisitively. “Is that what he wants? You, submissive?”
She flicked her eyes over to the man in question, losing herself for a moment in the beauty of him laughing with Jonah. The sonofabitch was vexatious and provocative; if she were fanciful, she might say there was an aura around him, shimmering with warmth and vitality, oozing charm.
It was annoying how easily he slid into everyday conversations like he’d been here for years.
“No. The opposite, actually. He’s expressed a desire for us to beequals.” Violet took a slow breath, then tackled the ache that had been straining her heart for the past two days. “I’m leaving, Merrick.”
The big guy moved a hell of a lot faster than she expected. In a heartbeat, he processed those three words, straightened in his chair, and thumped a fist on the table, making her juice and his barely touched beer bounce. “Like fuck you are.”
Slowly, like a heat-seeking missile, his head turned slowly to lock Reaux in his sights. “Is it him? If he’s making you up stakes against your will, I will go flatten him like wallpaper.”
She couldn’t help it, she laughed. “What happened to‘we like the jackass’?”
“Feelings change.”
Reaching over the table, she laid her hand on his tense forearm. “Stand down, big guy. Reaux isn’t responsible for this decision. Not entirely anyway. I came here because the bosses wanted me, and I needed an excuse to leave home. I was a shadow for the first year after the breakup, spending more time avoiding the places I loved just to make sure I didn’t run into him than I did living an independent life. Coming here finally broke me out of the cycle of being submissive in everyone’s eyes. I owe Evander and Eli for that.”
He harrumphed. “Then you stay and pay the debt.”
“In Evander’s eyes, I already have. He’s the one who pointed out how lackluster my work has become, how unhappy I’ve been as the months passed. I’m going with their blessing, Merrick.” Patting his arm, she settled back and took a sip of apple juice. Nerves were drying her mouth. “Whether I go on my own or with Reaux is another question entirely.”
