The last ten years of his life hadn’t been torn out by the roots and thrown into a shredder.
He hadn’t wanted to die.
“…security team is looking through the camera footage,” Grit was saying when she finally dragged her thoughts through the misery to the light. “We have a rough time period between when Doc last saw the meds and when they disappeared, so the guys are focusing on that.”
Beside him, Tabitha’s head lifted slowly, her eyes sliding toward her Dom.
“Didn’t know the clinic was wired,” Merrick commented, and the concern on his face reminded Violet that Tamsyn had suffered greatly in that place when she first arrived.
Mack cleared his throat. “We overhauled the clinic security after Linnie’s meltdown. It engages once the room is empty and Doc locks the door. It continues to record for thirty seconds once the door is unlocked and opened. In emergent situations such as the one Merrick faced, the system is voice activated using a code word which triggers both video recording and sends an alert straight to the team.”
“Can’t say I disapprove.” Merrick linked his fingers with Tamsyn’s.
Elias, Levi, and Reaux were heading back to the table with another tray of drinks, Violet noted. She didn’t have the energy for another sparring match with her ex, or to sit and converse when she felt empty and hollow.
However, Tabitha was kicking her mother hen instincts back to life, summoning them from hibernation. The woman was uncharacteristically restless all of a sudden, fidgeting in her seat when it was rare to see her expend energy on anything but vital tasks.
So when she whispered something to Grit and rose, hurrying to the bathroom, it took Violet only a few seconds to make herexcuses and follow the white-blonde head through the growing crowd like a candle in the dark.
She passed Reaux with her head held high, ignoring him and his fellow morons. Elias might be her boss, but she was a goddamn Domme and didn’t have to kowtow to her equals. Even when he said her name, she didn’t look back, didn’t acknowledge him.
Just to piss Reaux off, she was going to hack the booking system and find a room that wasn’t in use for the night. Sleeping on a cot in the dungeon was preferable to spending the evening with him.
Forgiveness might be the right path to eternal peace or whatever the hell, but it needed to be more than words. Sure, she could say them, absolve him of his sins and the pain he’d caused her, but it would never become reality unless she felt it in her soul.
The scars were too thick, the damage too catastrophic.
All she could hope for now was to help those who needed her most in her remaining days at Serenity, starting with a young blonde submissive who hadguiltytattooed on her forehead.
When she pushed into the bathroom, she had a strong sense of déjà vu. This wasn’t the first time she’d been here with Tabitha, only last time the situation had escalated to broken mirrors and blood.
Now, her target was leaning on the counter with straight arms, bracing her weight on her hands as she shook her head, muttering to herself.
Flipping the lock on the door, Violet chose not to beat around the bush. “Why did you raid the medicine cabinet in the clinic, Tabitha?”
“Is it that obvious?” she asked morosely.
“It is to me. I don’t think the others have latched on to the possibility yet, but it doesn’t matter. They’re going to have your face on record, and it’s only a matter of time until they find it.”
“Yeah. Fucked myself over with that. I swear to God, this relationship business is making me soft and sloppy. Eighteen months ago, I never would’ve missed a security camera.” Tabitha laughed bitterly, shaking her head in disbelief. “Then again, eighteen months ago, I didn’t need those stupid fucking pills. It’s all Grit’s fault.”
“I’m sure it is. Men are assholes, we’re allowed to blame them for everything.” Slowly, Violet walked over to stand beside her. “Was there an accident?”
Guilt swamped Tabitha’s features, followed by regret. “Grit wants the whole package. Marriage, kids, maybe a house eventually. We stopped using condoms a couple weeks ago and… I panicked.”
“That’s understandable. Did you discuss having a baby or was it more one-sided?”
In all honesty, Violet didn’t believe Grit would force Tabitha into carrying his child, no matter how badly he wanted one. His love for her wasfor her, not what she could give him. When he thought she’d been killed, right here in the clubhouse before the club had opened for business, he’d taken himself on a pilgrimage of sorts in an attempt to control his grief.
After he returned home, he discovered the truth, that Tabitha was alive, and since then he hadn’t been apart from her for so much as a single night. He doted on her even as he pushed her limits—strong, well-voiced limits, given her childhood and family history.
A forced pregnancy wasn’t something he’d even consider.
“We talked about it, a lot. About everything, really. How committed we are to each other, whether our relationship is established enough to support a kid… all the stuff I don’t knowhow to deal with.” Running a shaky hand through her hair, Tabitha sent her a miserable look. “It sounded like something I could handle, you know? Being pregnant, the delivery, taking care of a creature that’s physically unable to survive without assistance for years… I could handle that with Grit by my side. I feel like I can do anything, survive anything, as long as he’s with me.”
Violet nodded in agreement. “He loves you very much.”
“He does, more than he should. More than I deserve. Do you have any idea how much I take from this relationship?” She made a self-deprecating noise in her throat. “A lot fucking more than I give back. Not because I don’t want to; I just don’t know how. So I thought, this is something I can give back to him. Something we can do together, achieve together.”
