I couldn’t look at her now. Not only had she surprised me, but my heart and my head were fighting inside me. Did I let this woman back in my life to be eviscerated again? Even with that notion, I wanted to fold her in my arms and tell her everything would be okay. But would it? Mara and I had gotten along a total of one year in our lives. And we weren’t even on the same continent for most ofit.
“I’m thinking I’m glad you’resafe.”
The line in the middle of her forehead returned. “Is that it? You’re happy that I’msafe?”
“Did you want me to be something else? It’s been a long time since we last spoke, Mara. It’s been longer since I last sawyou.”
She cleared her throat and ducked her head again. “She…” Mara let out a sigh. “I kept a journal. Did you knowthat?”
My heart started a double time against my ribcage. “No, I didn’t know you kept a journal. It never exactly came up inconversation.”
“I wrote about you, often, about us, after I left for the deployment and what happened before then. I wrote every detail down. I guess it’s the only reason I knew where to go, who to search out, once I got released from thehospitals.”
“Can Iask?”
She shook her head. “I am not going to show you. They don’t feel like my words, but even I blush when I read them. It would feel a little like a betrayal if I did share it, even if I only betrayed the me frombefore.”
She came around the bar, and I reached out to touch her, but drew my hand away before I made contact with her cheek. She grabbed my hand and placed it there, leaning into the curve of mypalm.
“Do you know what I missed most, longed for so badly I cried myself to sleep atnight?”
“No,” I whispered, watching her close her eyes and sink into mytouch.
“Just this. Being touched. In the hospital, I was poked and prodded and spoken of in terms of clinical. Never once did anyone hug me, or rub my shoulder, or kiss mycheek.”
She opened her eyes and met mine suddenly misting over.Darnallergies.
“I didn’t even know I could miss something I didn’t remember. But when I read your emails, I felt you there with me. You were curled up behind me when the pain after the surgery came. Wrapping me in your arms when the doctors told me there was nothing else they could do for my memory. You were there for me as I relearned the details of my life, holding my hand, and arguing with me in my head about everydecision.”
She grabbed my other hand and placed it on her opposite cheek and cupped her own palm around my knuckles. Then she drew in a shaky breath. "There is just one more thing I need from you, Murphy, and I promise I’ll leave, and you’ll never have to see meagain.”
I waited, trying to stay still. More than anything, I didn’t want to stop touchingher.
“I want you to tell me how I killed mymother.”
