Maybe that’s what black holes are. People ripped apart by circumstances and their demons set free to play. It sounds silly to me, but also reallysad.
I can’t keep you, not really, until I figure out who I am. But I also don’t know how to fight these demons alone. You keep them at bay for another day, night, week…maybe years, and all that time, I’d lose trying to learn who I am so we can finally betogether.
I didn’t tell you before, but I loveyou.
I’ll see you on the otherside.
I crumpled the notebook in my hand as everything started firing at once. My vision blurred, casting the room in a mass of orange and yellow.I’m not going to throw up,I repeated over and over to myself, until my vision cleared. All that remained was the anger shuttled by fear. Likely the worst combination of human emotion to intertwine. The chair tipped, and I swept the desk clear looking for pills or anything she could do it with. No way I’d lose her again. Not in this lifetime and not to thenext.
The delicate shell of the paper cover had curled over and stuck at a crease, a stamp sat inside the back cover, and I shifted it to find the address of the rehab center. It must have been where she picked up the notebook. Could she be therenow?
Did I hunt her down make sure she was alright, or…this time my mind didn’t give me the mercy of a fade to black. I pictured her beautiful face haloed by a body bag, and the sight caused a wave of nausea to roll over me. I thought I’d lost her once. If I could make sure she was fine, then I didn’t have to think aboutit.
I jumped back in the truck and drove as fast as possible toward the small hospital on the other side of town. A place I used to work and hated stepping foot into. In fact, I hadn’t been there since my father passed away a few years back. He left peacefully, unlike Mara’smother.
The parking job didn’t bring me much credit, but at least I didn’t try to fit my truck between two SUVs in the handicapspots.
My heart turned over and inside out as I jogged through the hospital. A nurse sat at the reception desk. Her pink lipstick made her weathered face seem meaner. “Excuse me, I’m trying to find the therapy rooms? I’m looking for a friend who might be in grouptherapy.”
She snapped her gum and eyed me across her desk. I immediately wanted to cover any and all vulnerable parts from her gaze. “Are you signed up for the therapy session?” she fairly asked, still staring at mycrotch.
“No, I told you. I’m looking for afriend.”
She shook her head, finally glancing up to my face now. “Sorry, can’t let you back there. Not without signingup.”
I pulled out my wallet. “Fine, sign meup.”
“It’s free. You don’t needthat.”
“Great.” I let out a sigh, my impatience leaking out. I scraped my hands over my head, trying to calm my still raggedbreathing.
Please let her behere.
Please let her behere.
Please let her behere.
“I just need to see proof of your veteran status,” the nursesaid.
I glared, now bracing my hands on the counter. “I’m not a veteran. Point me to the door, or I will go hunt down your supervisor’s supervisor and tell him or her how you like to ogle the distressedpatients!”
Her eyes said she didn’t believe me, but she pointed straight down the hall with one bony arm. “193.”
“Thank you,” I tossed at her—she likely missed the sarcasm anyway—as I stood up and faced the direction she pointed. I wanted to walk. Go slow, give me more time to pray, even though I didn’t believe in God. I couldn’t. I sprinted down the hall as fast as I could run and threw open thedoor.
A group of people sat in the middle of the room, and Mara jumped from one of the seats and maneuvered between theothers.
My heart might have stopped beating for a second. The world spun around me, and I feared, for the first time in my life, I was about tofaint.
What depths has this woman driven meto?
