Staying busy would be the only thing keeping me from knocking on her door and doing something drastic until I could make her see I only pushed because I cared. And such a visit would likely result in rough sex on the sketchy floor, and that wasn’t how I wanted it to be for us when we gotthere.
I tossed around a few more things before I settled on reading the accounting emails my guy had sent a few weeks before. The ones I kept putting off and would likely require another read when I was in a better frame ofmind.
My thoughts couldn’t stay on target, and I kept drifting to Mara. If she needed something, if she wanted something but felt too proud to ask.No.
Fuckingno.
I tried to train my mind back to the email chain. Mara is a big girl, like she said, she can take care of herself. She didn’t need me to run behind her and playnursemaid.
It was something I’d need to accept if I wanted us to have a future. Not that I didn’t think she could look out for herself. I just wanted the privilege. I’d wanted it since high school when she first started throwing curses my way when I looked at hersideways.
Finally, the chance to be with her lay in my grasp, and I feared screwing it up on so many levels. If I pushed her too far one way, she’d run. If I didn’t push enough, we would have a dysfunctional shit show of a relationship. Neither option appealed to me. But a healthy arrangement between us would take more work on both our parts. I had to give up this ideal I held of her since high school, and she needed to lose the chip on her shoulder telling her no one gave a shit about what shewanted.
I could do my part, but could she dohers?
My phone rang, and I recognized the hotel number. “What’sup?”
Mara answered, “I changed my mind. What’s Martha’s number? I’m going to ask her out for somefood.”
“You want to eat with Martha?” What the hell changed in the last twentyminutes?
“Well, I see her as a source of information. Since you gave me the run around about my mother, maybe she will have the details you refuse to giveme.”
Fuck. Shit.Damn.
“Mara, you do not want to get your information about your mother from that woman. She’s full of gossip and half thestory.”
“Half the story is better than nostory.”
The phone wentdead.
