“You think being here with me will give you back your memories? I thought you said the doctor told you there was nothing you coulddo.”
“He did. Because there is nothing he can do for me. The mind can figure itself out, but medically speaking, I’m as healthy as I’m going to get. In fact, he called me lucky to have control of my motor functions. That I got off easy for only losing mymemory.”
There was a doctor in Washington I wanted to punch in the teeth right now. “Great bedside mannerthere.”
She snorted. “I said the same thing. To his face even. He was a Colonel and didn’t care about the opinion of a former enlisted soldier. His job was to make sure I left in basically one piece and nomore.”
We barely knew each other. She wasn’t the same woman who left me all those years ago, and her absence had changed me too. The long years made me harder and colder. Now less quick to help those in need for fear it would come back and bite me in the ass like it did so many other times. What I wanted to say next, I debated for a long minute. However, we wouldn’t be able to continue forward unless Idid.
“Have you considered therapy?” I pushed out in one quickbreath.
She didn’t react or say anything until a timer dinged in the kitchen. Instead of speaking, she left the office. I’d expected her to throw furniture at me or at least the pens in the cup on thedesk.
Was it safe to follow her and clarify why I mentioned it? As I worked up the courage, she came back in with eggs on two plates and sat next tome.
“Thanks,” I offered, tilting my head to see I could see herface.
She ate quickly and quietly and took her plate back to the kitchen. I couldn’t touch mine as my gut rolled over. By asking her about therapy, maybe I’d driven heraway.
I feared losing her more than anything else. The idea of her gone squeezed my heart in a vice which made it too hard tobreathe.
I sat the plate on the desk and went to find her. She stood at the sink in the kitchen, the clean plate on the rack. Her shoulders were hunched, and her hands braced on the edge of the stainlesssteel.
“Look, I’mso…”
“Don’t. You don’t have anything to apologize for. I came back here to find you but also to see if my memories would come back. I don’t think they will now, and facing the reality with you staring at me on the other sidehurts.”
She spun to face me, her fist pressed between her breasts. “I can’tbreathe.”
Her legs knocked together, and I lurched forward to catch her in my arms before she hit the floor. “It’s okay,” I whispered as she shook in my grasp. “Just take slow easybreathes.”
It took a few minutes for her panting to get under control, and I cradled her in my lap until she finally stopped quaking. How could the world break such a woman? And if it did, how did I have any chance of makingit?
All I could do was rock her back and forth until both our hearts started beating normally again. It hit me right under the chin, how close I’d been to losing her, and how I’d barely been living in the years I thought Ihad.
I tilted her chin up and prayed she couldn’t see the sheen in my eyes. “We will figure this out together. I’mhere.”
She leaned up and pressed her lips to mine. Barely a brush against mine, and I felt like, for the first time, maybe we were on the samepage.
“You’re right. Maybe some sort of therapy could help. At least let me figure out where I want to go from here. How I should proceed with my life after a chunk of it was taken fromme.”
“Does that mean you’re going to stop pushing me to sleep with you?” I half-joked.
She swatted at my chest. “You like it, admit it. If I wasn’t insane, you might even be persuaded to give itup.”
“I do, and I will. But once we go down that road, there is no backing out. You’ll be mine, and I won’t give you upeasily.”
She swallowed heavily. I could hear it before she nodded. “I understand why you’re hesitant, and I see no amount of professing my ability to make the choice myself is going to change your mind. If I go to therapy, do you think we can take the nextstep?”
I ignored the way my heart tightened up and shot into my throat. “It’s not just about therapy. I want you to want me because you want me, not because you wanted me five years ago and assume this version of you would want me too. I know you’re not the same woman, and I’m not the same man who wrote those emails toyou.”
“I know that. I can see me being gone took its toll on youtoo.”
I pulled her neck in and braced my forehead against her, savoring the way she fit so perfectly in my arms. Her breath smelled like cheese, and I didn’t mind in theleast.
“So what now?” shewhispered.
So whatnow?
