What If…
Murphy
I’d dreamed of Mara begging me to fuck her. However, in all the imaginings of her husky voice making demands on my body, there had never been an edge of desperation like this. A razor-sharp slice of need that pushed a little toofar.
I lifted my head to search her eyes. I wanted to have imagined it, but no, the frantic hunger set into the lines around her eyes and the way her hand gripped me too tight definitely set off red flags. Not the normal amount of urgency for lying in bed with a lover. The pain in her gaze was darker and moredangerous.
I wanted her. Fuck, I wanted everything she offered and everything she didn’t know to offer. But her eyes warned me off as much as they invited me in. “Why do I need to have sex with you in order for you to accept a job offer youwant?”
I knew exactly what she would say to that. I could have mimedit.
“You don’t want methen?”
It took more effort to keep from rolling my eyes than to actually resist her advances. “What part of my statement said I don’t want you?” Her curves pressing against me tested mylimits.
She threw her hands up and twisted from my grasp. “I don’t know. The part where you’re not inside me already. Most men wouldn’t have stopped to askquestions.”
Something snapped in me. Maybe the long dormant bit that shuttered when I’d thought she abandoned me. I didn’t care. I captured her chin in my fingers. Hard enough to earn a glare. Her looks didn’t promise to kill. They swore slow and agonizing torture. Nevertheless, Iendured.
“Let me make one thing so very clear. I am not like other men. Especially any you’ve beenwith.”
“Well, that list includes you,so…”
“And when you finally relinquish whatever you’re holding back from me, I’ll be the only man youremember.”
Her lips folded into a hard line, and I barely caught the hurt in hereyes.
Shit.
My realization must have been splashed across my face, because her smile turned rueful. “Too late. But before you get your panties in a bunch, I don’t remember you either. I might as well be avirgin.”
She jerked from my hold again and rolledaway.
Way to fucking go,Murphy.
I lay back and gave her space. It allowed me time to consider this new face of hers I hadn’t seen yet. Not the sex I’d forfeited. Both of us were entirely too volatile at the moment. Likely, it would be more of a fight than a joining, anyway. Maybe I should consider why I felt the need to take care of her even when she didn’t know she needed to be caredfor.
Saint-fucking-Murphy. The nick-name scratched through my brain likesandpaper.
We stayed that way for too long. A wall slowly inched up between us. I eventually rolled out of her bed, left her a note to come over in the afternoon if she really wanted, and scurried back to my bar. The place I always ran backto.
The lights were out. Everything in the place lay dormant and quiet until the old heater kicked up, sparking a cacophony of noises that were as familiar to me as my ownhands.
Instead of going back to my apartment, I went into the office and threw myself on the lumpy couch. It was older than me, but it had held up through thirty-five years, so I couldn’t bring myself to get rid of it and buy a new one. I settled in and pulled a blue and black crocheted blanket from the back, a gift from a patron’s wife, and closed myeyes.
The hurt and anger in Mara’s gaze hit me first. It took deep breathing and emptying my mind of her—repeatedly—to fall into a restlesssleep.
The sound of banging woke me, and the stiff springs on one side of the couch had pushed my back in the wrong way. I had to roll off the edge, onto the floor, to stand up and wobble out to the door. I shoved it open with one eye cracked, the other squeezed tight against the morningsun.
Mara stood on the other side, hands stuffed into the pockets of her tight jeans. She wore a black t-shirt and her black leather jacket as well. “I said afternoon. This is way too early for walking and breathing andlife.”
She cracked a smile and pushed past me into the bar. I ignored her and went back to the couch, curling up in the spot I’d grooved out, and fell backasleep.
I didn’t know how long I slept. The scent of hot coffee woke me up. At least the light creeping through the small window opposite appeared to be a little less like morning light. Mara shoved a cup of coffee at me, and I sat up to take it in both hands. “Thanks.”
“Sorry about waking you up. I didn’t sleep much last night, so I figured I’d get an earlystart.”
I kept my eyes closed, the weight of sleep still heavy in my limbs and mind. “Uh huh,” Imanaged.
