Instead of letting her end it there, I wrapped my hands around her cheeks, looked deep into those blue eyes and waited a hair's breadth of a second for her to pull away if shewanted.
It was a new kind of relief when she remained, and I didn’t allow her a second chance. I kept my eyes open, watching her emotions war in a mix of curiosity and reluctance. When I pressed my lips to hers, they cleared into something far moredelightful.
As she softened to me, I gave in, closed my eyes, and savored the feel of her soft skin on mine. It lasted a second until I released her and stepped back. She stood stock still, her hands still where they’d lifted to clutch my forearms, eyes closed, lips open and freshlyflushed.
“Good Day, Miss Vale,” I said, before tucking my book under my arm and heading back to my office. At the very least, I’d given her something to think about. At the most, I’d been given a memory to cherish until maybe, in another life, we might play this gameagain.
I ignored everyone until I was in my office, the door shut tight. Then I let the mask drop away and sat unmoving on the couch. The doctors called it depression. The way I felt hollow all the time, mostly feeling absolutely nothing, until something could spark me, and I would feel human again for a short while. It never took long for it to return. They wanted me on some sort of medication, and while I wasn’t against pharmaceuticals, I had no idea what and how my body would react to anything. I wasn’t exactly a normalman.
Instead, I’d practice being normal and when I was alone, I could break the mask and tell myself it was okay not to feelanything.
Izzy had changed that recently. It would only take a glimpse of her to bring me to life for a week at a time. After that kiss, I should have been walking on clouds, and yet, the idea of never doing it again crushed any happiness I’d garnered for those briefseconds.
The macabre part of me wondered if this was how it was meant to go in the past. Maybe Sibyl was never supposed to meet me, or fall in love. Maybe if I hadn’t been selfish and pushed her, she would have lived out her life, perfectly oblivious to me and my darkdesires.
If I’d have been a stronger man, maybe I would have let her. Even as I tried to convince myself, I knew it was all a lie. I was as powerless against Sibyl in all her glory as I was against Izzy now. All she had to do was say the word, and I’d crawl at herfeet.
Was I seeking forgiveness from Izzy for my mistakes with Sibyl? Maybe. What was so wrong with that? It wasn’t as if she’d ever know, ever understand how much I needed to make amends for my sins, or how much I’d done over the years in theattempt.
I glanced up at the bookshelf lining the wall behind my desk. It was basically the only solace I had in this world that I seemed unable to quit. I got up and placedWar and Peaceon the shelf carefully between Proust and Kafka, the spines flush and straight. I’d already read it at least a hundred times. Some new material might be inorder.
I hopped on the computer and scrolled through the wish list on my favorite book retailer, but before I could pinpoint something, a light knock came at thedoor.
I didn’t have any more appointments, and I only returned to the office because I didn’t want Izzy to think her rejection of me hurt as a bad as itdid.
“Come in,” I called. Then I schooled my features into my trademark look of mild curiosity and billionaire savoirfaire.
The door popped open and then inched farther as Izzy stepped inside. “So, this is the bat cave,huh?”
“Can I help you, MissVale?”
She cleared her throat and gestured at the chair across the desk. “May Isit?”
“Of course,please.”
“I saw that you approved the updates. You did that earlier, before I even proposed it as a prize in that game, didn’tyou?”
I shrugged. “Maybe. Or maybe I really think it needs anupdate.”
She let out a long-suffering sigh and measured me across the desk. I could feel her eyes on me, going over every single inch. Fortunately, years at this meant she’d never find a hair out of place. “Mr. Gray, would you like to accompany me for a drink thisevening?”
I had to keep my joy, which was threatening to choke me, from my tone. “Why Miss Vale, do you think that entirely appropriate? I am your boss afterall.”
She stood up and tossed a paper ball at my chest before heading toward the door. Her hair stood up on one side, and she’d dropped some sandwich on her blouse to join the coffee stain. And yet, even in her perpetual state of disarray, I wantedher.
“I’ll pick you up at seven, Gray. Don’t make mewait.”
4
Izzy
Icheckedmy hair in the mirror one final time. The golden strands and the too-dark roots, sat perfectly. The entire evening seemed to be falling into place. I was able to leave work early, no creepy strangers following me home. Then the shop around the corner had my favorite wine, my eyeliner wings were on point, and now my pixie hair sat artfully disarrayed around my head in that sexy bedhead vibe I’d been failing at for amonth.
One swipe of lipstick and I headed out the door, clutch and heels in hand. I’d put them on at the bar to give Gray something to look at. The sky-high royal blue velvet pumps made my legs look like they neverstopped.
The warm night air bolstered me as I headed to the taxi on the curb. I climbed inside and gave directions to the driver while attempting to ignore the way the scent of my peach blossom perfume mixed with the curry the driver must have been eating before he picked meup.
As we pulled up outside Gray’s building it occurred to that me the man probably had his own car service. No. I squared my shoulders and climbed out of the vehicle. His secretary had given me directions, and now the doorman held the door open wide forme.
