“Yeah, okay. I could use some help,” I said, bringing the conversation back around so I would stop torturing both of us.All of my invitations were out there, and I was pretty sure I’d made it clear they were always open, so it was on him to show up. I didn’t want to pressure him into something he wasn’t comfortable with.
The next little bit was spent trying to find the right spot to shoot. I couldn’t decide on which backdrop I wanted. The windows with the snow-covered everything beyond made for a pretty scene, but so did the fireplace. And I even toyed with the idea of having our sad, little tree be in the shot, but then I tucked that away. I kind of wanted something to be just ours, and the tree was it.
I went with the fireplace in the end, wishing that I’d tacked up some lights and garland. Shame I hadn’t thought about it before now.
“Alright,” he said, standing there looking awkward. I knew he felt that way because his fists found resting spots on his hips. A pose I could help but see just about every time I pictured him. “I’m gonna head out.”
With a jerk, he started moving, and I got the sense he was hesitating. Maybe he wanted to stay. I wasn’t going to put any pressure on him.
“Danny Love,” I blurted. He cocked his head, looking at me with the cutest confused expression. “That’s my name. Danny Love. On the Kingdom Cum site. That’s C-U—”
“Yeah, I think I got it,” he said with a crooked smile.
“Just, you know, if you wanted to see.” I checked the time on my phone. It was getting close to noon, the time when I’d blasted that I’d be on live. “Well, I’ve got to get to it.”
He grabbed his jean vest off the hook and tossed it on.
“Have a good… time?”
I let out a little chuckle. “Thanks.”
Then he hooked a finger under my chin. Before I could fully process what was happening, he placed a kiss against my lips. I sighed happily as he pulled away.
“See you later,” he said, then he was out the door, quickly putting on his gear in the mudroom before dashing out into the snow.
With a deep breath, I cleared my mind, finding it harder to do this time.
I wanted Killjoy back here. I wanted him hovering around in the background, lit up by the twinkling lights, cheering me on silently. Oh, and getting horny too, but I figured that went without saying. I wanted him to appreciate me from afar, and then tell me how amazing he thought I was. That wasn’t my ego talking. I just had this feeling that Killjoy would be the type of person who wouldn’t hold back when he was proud of someone he was close to.
But were we that close? Would he really tell me what he thought of it? Would he hype me up with sincerity? Or would he just grunt and tell me I did a good job in that tone that sounded like a pat on the head?
Fifteen minutes to clean up, look presentable, and prep? I was cutting it close. My heart was racing as I got ready to go live. It always did. It was half nerves and half thrill.
With two minutes to spare, I spread out a Christmas red, crushed velvet blanket that I’d brought with me. It wasn’t a bearskin rug, but it was still sexy. Besides, the idea of my skin touching something like that made me cringe. I propped myself up on my arm, the fire crackling in the background. A good pump of lube in my right hand. One last check of the shots, and then it was go time.
“Hi,” I said, flashing a wide smile at the top camera.
I had two shots, and they could switch between which they wanted to watch. One was most of my body in frame so theycould see my face, and the other was a close-up of where all the sexy action was happening. I made sure to get as close as possible for a still shot. I didn’t tend to bounce all over the place, but you just never knew. I did have my wild moments every now and then.
I was already naked, working my semi-hard cock with leisurely strokes.
“Hope you are all doing well.”
I ran through who’d joined, calling out a few who were regulars, giving them their own special greetings. I really liked this to be an intimate thing.
I couldn’t say where I got the idea, but once I’d started to connect with people, even if it was just acknowledging them, I couldn’t stop. I rolled with it, and I really liked how things are going now. Even when I was with my asshole ex, I never lost that connection.
“How’s your week been?” I asked and commented on a few of the responses coming in. “Well, I’ve left California for a bit. You’ll never guess it, but I’m surrounded by snow. I’m going to get my white Christmas!”
Or at least I hoped. I still wasn’t sure how long I’d be here or what Killjoy was even thinking. Did he want me to stay? Would he mind if I did? Would he want to celebrate Christmas with me?
I shook away the thoughts and smiled. The last thing I wanted to do was bring the mood down.
I read a few of the comments that popped up. The room seemed to be settling and satisfied with talking for now. I liked to make sure people had gotten out what they needed to before I moved on.
There was something about getting these little tidbits of people’s lives that made me feel a slightly deeper connection to what I was doing. I wasn’t saying I was in love with all of them,or really thought all of them were my boyfriends, but I did like that it didn’t feel so detached. I wasn’t up on a pedestal, or at least that was the way I was hoping people would look at it, because I sure as hell didn’t want to be way up there. Sure, I didn’t have tons of subscribers, but the three hundred that I did have were usually enough for me to live a comfortable life, and sometimes if I had a super amazing month, I’d have a little extra. I wasn’t big on going out most of the time, so that probably helped. And with the way I was raised, I didn’t really buy things unless they needed replacing.
That was something that bothered my ex a lot, and to this day, I didn’t get why. He got mad at me when I wouldn’t spend money. He got mad at me when I would tell him I didn’t need things. He would get mad at me when I would rather go to the grocery store and cook together than order out.
