I contemplated dragging the space heater from the loft down, but decided against it. I’d be good once the fire got going. Which, even though I almost let the thoughts of hot water get to me, I got to work on.
After I had it roaring, I headed for the bathroom, snagging the pair of sleep pants I tossed on the couch last night when I’dgotten a little too toasty and decided to take them off mid-movie. They were clean enough.
With that, I had tunnel vision for the shower.
While I had a wood stove in my garage, the cold still seemed to seep in. I felt it in my bones, and since I had crossed over that threshold to forty and wasn’t a spring chicken anymore, that shit lingered. I felt it now as I stepped under the hot spray. My eyes closed, and I let the hot water wash away the chill and the slight crankiness that I’d felt all afternoon.
When I was alone, I wasn’t generally a grumpy person. Sure, I wasn’t all laughing and smiling, but I was happy in my own way. I’d say I was quite content. I loved the freedom of bouncing around most of the year, but if I was honest, coming back here for my winter retreat was what I looked forward to more than anything. This one shouldn’t have been any different, and it hadn’t been so far.
But today…
Ah, hell. I couldn’t explain it, but I’d felt off all day.
With a grunt, I shook my head, flinging water from my hair and somehow getting it in my ear.
Jesus. What the fuck was wrong with me?
I washed fast, then shut the water off, slamming my hand down on the knob a little harder than I intended.
As I pulled back the curtain, the metal rings making an awful screeching sound as they slid over the metal pole, I swore I heard a noise coming from outside. I paused, cocking an ear. There wasn’t another sound for a few beats, so I chalked it up to one of the packages on the porch probably falling over, and reached for my towel without urgency.
I dried my balls real good. I was a furry man, and I couldn’t stand it when I felt I had a damn wet sponge sitting between my thighs for hours.
My stomach rumbled as I snatched up my sleep pants, and that was when I realized that I’d forgotten underwear. I figured it didn’t fuckin’ matter and shoved my leg into my pants.
Another muffled thump stole my attention, and then some strange squawk hit my ears, but I couldn’t make out what kind of animal it was.
Yeah, something was definitely happening outside.
It only took me three wide steps to make it from the bathroom to the front door. The place wasn’t that big, and I didn’t need it to be.
With my hand on the knob, I waited. Something was for sure rooting around out there. The only thing I’d ordered was some bike parts and a few new tools, so I knew there wasn’t any food for an animal to get into and make a mess. Also knew there wasn’t anything that would hurt them, otherwise I would have gone and gotten that shit right away.
I didn’t bother going for my gun. This wasn’t my first rodeo with a wild porch critter, and it wouldn’t be my last. More than likely, all I had to do was open the door and bark out a curse, and whatever it was would skitter away.
Which was exactly what I did.
Except the curse got trapped in my throat when I saw there was not a raccoon or even a coyote on my porch. No, instead, there was a real life… elf? Like an honest-to-God Santa’s workshop helper elf.
A scowl overtook my face as the trespasser stopped digging through the bag slung across his body to look up at me. I would have sworn his hazel eyes sparkled with flecks of gold.
My gaze dropped, and I saw that my poorly-named welcome mat had been overturned and there were a few swipes of snow cleared away around it. I didn’t bother to shovel the front porch or steps since I never came out this way. What was he looking for?
“Oh, shit!” he said as he took a step back.
My mouth fell open, but no words came out as he slipped. His arms windmilled, but it was no use, he was going down.
The strap of his bag caught on the railing as he grabbed at anything to keep from falling. He landed with an “oopmh” on his back at the bottom of the stairs, his hat and ears somehow managing to stay in place. The bag tore under the weight of trying to hold him up, the contents bursting free, arcing out in a kaleidoscope of shapes and colors, exploding like party favors.
I cringed when a mini rocket hit his face with a painful-sounding slap.
No, wait.
That wasn’t a rocket.
Well, if I wasn’t stunned speechless before, I sure as fuck was now.
CHAPTER THREE
