But I daenae understand. None of this makes sense. Is this another game?
Ryder breathed in, glancing over at the fire.
“I remember the day me stepmaither came to the Keep. It was an arranged marriage, of course, but me faither was lookin’ forward to meetin’ her. She insisted on riding her horse, not travelin’ in the carriage as a lady ought to do. Me faither took me up to the Keep walls and held me up so that I could see her approach. I remember him sucking in a breath, as if he were surprised. She was beautiful, to be sure, but there was somethin’ else about her that drew him, I think. She glanced up as he looked down, and their eyes met for the first time. I remember her liftin’ her hand and wavin’. I waved back. I was just excited to have a maither. I think that spot on the Keep wall is where she jumped, all those years later. The very spot she first saw me faither.”
Megan bit her lip, watching the firelight play over Ryder’s face.
“I ken she was like a maither to ye, too,” she murmured at last.
Ryder nodded. “She loved me faither, and he loved her. The pain she went through when he was lost was… it was unbearable to watch. And before that, my birth maither’s fate. Murdered because she was Lady MacCulloch. I remember me faither’s pain at losingher, too. I have been drawn to ye, lass, from the moment I saw ye. The power shocked me. For a long time, I have been convinced that love is too painful to risk. I’ve seen things that made me question that, of course. I see how happy Ewan and Flora are together. Seeing Alaina and her infatuation with that guardsman…”
“If it is infatuation,” Megan interrupted.
He chuckled, shaking his head. “Indeed, lass, indeed. Me point is, since ye have come into me life, I have begun to doubt everythin’. I sent ye away from me because it felt safer, I suppose.”
“What are ye tellin’ me, Ryder?”
He met her eyes squarely. “I am tellin’ ye that I love ye, lass. I love ye, and I want ye to stay. Love is a risk, but now I think that it’s a risk I want to take for ye.Withye.”
He stepped forward, hands outstretched, but Megan darted warily away.
“I cannae trust ye, Ryder!” she cried. “Ye tell me I mean so much to ye. We share our intimate thoughts, we share ourbodies—although of courseyehave not sharedyers—and then ye turn around and send me away in the next breath. I cannae keep doin’ that. I cannae bear it, and it’s nae fair for ye to ask me to.”
Ryder let out a slow breath, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes.
“Nay, lass,” he whispered hoarsely. “I cannae bear to lose ye. I am… I am…” He stuttered, groping for a word.
Megan watched in amazement. Since the day she’d met him, Ryder had been a tower of strength. Cool, amused, sharp, and always in charge, he had neverstuttered. He had never seemed to falter, not even for a moment.
He was faltering now.
“I am afraid,” he said at last, dropping his hands woodenly to his sides. “What an awful word, eh?Afraid. Lairds daenae get afraid.”
“Perhaps nae. But people do,” Megan managed.
He met her eyes with a tired smile. “It’s an exhaustin’ thing, bein’ in love. I thought if I didnae name it, I could avoid the fear of losin’ it. I think I was wrong about that. Daenae go, Megan. Daenae go.”
She bit her lip hard until she tasted copper. Her feet moved even before she’d decided to move them, it seemed. She took a wary step forward, reaching out, fingers questing until their tips brushed the firm muscle of his shoulder. A shiver ran through her.
“I think that ye have been so wrapped in fearin’ the fates of yer maither and stepmaither that ye have only thought of their ends,” Megan whispered. “I think that ye have forgotten about who they were in between. Ye have forgottenthem.”
He closed his eyes. “What a sin.”
“If forgettin’ somethin’ important were a sin, we’d all be damned.”
He gave a huff of laughter at that, opening his eyes and fixing them on her.
“I thought that if I kept meself locked away, I could protect me heart,” he said at last, shaking his head. “What a fool I was. I lost me heart when I was nae lookin’, and now I cannae take it back. I… I am nae sure I want it back. If ye leave me, Megan, I’ll nae be able to live with meself, to ken that I drove ye away. To ken that it wasmefault. I… I was so set on torturin’ meself with the memories of what happened to me maither and stepmaither that I forgot about all the life they had before.” He gave a short, breathless laugh, shaking his head. On impulse, he reached forward, taking her hand and twining their fingers together.
“I love ye, Megan,” he said simply, holding her gaze. “If ye choose to leave, I cannae stop ye. But I love ye more than any man alive can, and if ye stay, I’ll prove it to ye.”
Megan stared up at him, her vision blurring. She wasn’t sure whether she was about to cry or laugh, her emotions tumbling over each other and piling up.
“Well,” she said at last, swallowing. “I suppose ye will just have to convince me. Perhaps this timeIshould punishye.”
He blinked, surprise and relief crossing his face. Then a hunger came, enough to make Megan’s stomach quiver.
“Oh, nay, lassie,” he breathed. “That’s nae how it works.”
