I folded the note and placed it in my wallet. Although it was a bittersweet recognition, I understood. One didn’t just “resign” from the mob. There were too many secrets and too little trust. Brodie had told me plainly that although running was an option, it would only be a matter of time before he was discovered.
Shiloh knew all of this. She had held me the one time I’d gotten drunk on Guinness—ironically the day my period arrived after countless bouts of sex with no condom—and cried until I barfed.
I hadn’t had my pill with me when Brodie took me, throwing my cycle completely out of whack. It hadn’t been something either of us had really thought about in the short time we were together. Or maybe Brodie, like me, held a deeply private conviction that having a baby wouldn’t be such a terrible thing. It wouldn’t have been ideal to get pregnant without him in the picture, but I couldn’t help feeling cheated. I wouldn’t have any luck if it weren’t for shitty luck.
So, I glared. “No, Shiloh. I haven’t.”
“Just asking. Jesus.”
Savvi clucked. She didn’t approve of cursing. We fell silent and the dulcet tones of the anchor cut into the quiet. “In other news, the son of a highly decorated general was killed in what is being described a gruesome home invasion in Texas. Patricia Browning is on the scene with authorities.”
Shiloh and I exchanged looks. “Savvi, can you turn that up?” Savvi blinked and did so.
A reporter was holding a microphone to an officer’s face. “Following a 911 call from a neighbor, we arrived on scene to discover Captain Justin Charles Kittredge dead after an apparent home invasion. We are not at liberty to provide details, but the public can rest assured that we are doing everything in our power to bring this to a swift conclusion.”
“Holy shit. Cotton.” Shiloh’s fingers gripped my arm and I set the plate on the counter.
I couldn’t reply. I hadn’t shed a tear when Brodie left, but they were streaming unchecked down my face now, clogging my throat and burning my nose.
Was it wrong of me to be happy he was dead?
He had raped me, yes. Stolen my consent and killed a part of my soul I wasn’t sure I’d ever get back. But I was alive. Physically healed. Psychologically…improving…each day that passed.
The scales had been more than balanced, and maybe it wasn’t exactly right, but I was glad.
I hoped it had hurt.
I hoped he knew, as I did in a secret corner of my heart, that his death was courtesy of me. Even if it hadn’t been delivered by my hand, it had been brought by my will. By my wish.
Shiloh clutched my arm. “Do you realize what this means?” All I could do was shake my head. Then nod. Then bury my face in my hands. “He’s close, Cotton.”
“We don’t know that.”
“It has to be him.”
“He could have gotten someone—” Savvi looked at me curiously and I bit the statement off. “We don’t know.”
“I’m calling Twiggy.” I didn’t argue as Shiloh took my hand and dragged me through the house to my room, dialing Twiggy’s number as we went. “Twiggy. Yeah, I’m…look. Hush for a second. I’m with Cotton and we just saw something on the news. Something about a certain individual in Texas meeting a bad end. Do you know anything about that?”
I sat on the bed and toed off my boots before pulling my feet beneath me. “Speaker,” I hissed, and a second later I could hear Twiggy speaking.
“…official story is that he was surprised by a home invasion. The unofficial story, per Uncle Donegal, is one of ours took care of him,forone of ours.”
“What—” My voice was a guttural rasp and I stopped to clear my throat. “What did he do to him?”
“You don’t want to know, Cotton. Suffice to say it lasted a very long time and was very painful.”
“I need to know, Twiggy.”
“No, babe. You don’t. You really don’t. Let your imagination go wild and then double whatever it is you’re thinking.” Her voice softened. “Let it be enough.”
“Was it him? Brodie, I mean.” Saying his name was difficult.
“I’m not certain. All I know about Brodie is that Donegal sent him to Ireland to clean up a faction that was creating trouble.” She paused. “But I think it’s a fair guess when you consider what was done to the man. There was a great deal of…rage.”
I nodded, even though she couldn’t see me. “Thank you, Twiggy.” Shiloh pushed the button to end the call. “Shy…”
She swept a hand over my hair. “I know. You need to be alone.”
Shiloh understood me better than I did myself, at time. She knew I’d need time to process, open myself to all of the emotions that thinking about this chapter in my life tended to stir. “I do.”
“I’ll call you later.”
With a hard hug, she left. I flopped back on the bed and stared at the ceiling, exhausted all of a sudden and simultaneously filled with a sense of hope I dared not give voice to. Instead, I closed my eyes and sank into sleep.
