That really was the question. His mission was done. He’d completed what he’d set out to do. Other than getting some sleep, he wasn’t sure what was next. Heshouldgo home. As much as he longed for Jenna, to be with her and Ollie, Steel knew that it would also mean facing reality. Avenging Melanie had been a necessary distraction, and now it was time to come to terms with being a father and a husband in a world without her.
He’d never considered himself a coward before this moment. Because he knew which direction Jenna was in, and as much as he longed to go to her, there was an even bigger part of himself that wanted to aim his bike in the opposite direction. To hide from reality just a little bit longer.
“Come on,Jenna. Just one more minute, you can do it,” Lilly coaxed.
Sweaty and achy, Jenna gritted her teeth and powered through. Her new powerchair was a godsend. She was feeling more and more like herself with each day. With its ability to move her into a standing, seated, or supine position at the push of a button, Jenna was able to maneuver herself around her house without needing constant assistance. Additionally, she felt confident enough to start going outside and journeying to the clubhouse on her own.
Jenna was notokayby any means. Everything reminded her of Melanie, and there were days when her depression and grief were even more crippling than her disease. But the chair meant that she didn’t have the excuse to wallow anymore. Melanie was gone, but she still had three other children, one daughter-in-law, and soon-to-be two grandchildren who still needed their mother and grandmother.
Since getting his cast off ten days ago, Ollie had been working hard to regain his leg strength. Tessa and Lilly had made the executive decision that Jenna was no longer able to have her room on the second floor. Her new chair couldn’t go upstairs, and it would be ridiculous to get one for upstairs and one for downstairs. So the den was being remodeled into Jenna and Jack’s new bedroom. Not much work needed to be done. Thebiggest construction was adding a door to the empty doorframe. But Ollie had taken it upon himself to decorate, and frankly, Jenna was eating up her youngest son’s endless cheer.
The bathroom situation was still a little difficult. The tub Jack and Jenna had installed for her was upstairs, and the downstairs guest bathroom wasn’t capable of having such an addition. So it was back to birdbaths for Jenna, which she wasn’t exactly thrilled about.
Carter and Lucy were preparing for the new baby, and bringing Drew by for Jenna to see when they could. Jordan was loving Europe. He video called Jenna several times a week and was trying to figure out his finances so he could stay longer.
No one had heard from Jack in five days. The last message Jenna had received was an early morning text telling her that ‘it’ was done. No details, no assurances that he would be home soon… Nothing. Then the others had come rolling in late in the afternoon.
But no Jack.
Papaw had been the one to walk up the ramp of Jenna’s house to tell her that they thought Jack was following them back, but then at the last gas stop, they realized he was missing. Keys said he wasn’t using his credit cards, nor had he checked into any hotels, motels, or campgrounds under his legal name.
No one knew where Jack was. Not even Jenna.
Everyone was shocked by this and rallied around Jenna like Jack was the enemy. More than one person had stated that they couldn’t believe Jack could dothisto her while others acted like Jack wasn’t coming back.
But they didn’t know Jack as Jenna did. She didn’t know what he’d done to finish ‘it’, and she didn’t want to know. Discovering that Shaw had not killed Melanie had been a shock to Jenna, and she could only imagine what it did to Jack. Then hunting down the real murderer, whoever he was?
Jenna could understand his need for space. That inno waymeant Jenna was happy about it. But rather than letting that anger consume her, she was using it to fuel her efforts in using Jack’s latest gift: aMyocycle.
It was the weirdest looking stationary bike she’d ever seen. Lilly or Tessa had to be with her when she used it to monitor her vitals, but it allowed her own legs to pedal for her. Using functional electrical stimulation, Jenna was able to trick her legs into working properly for a time, increasing her blood flow and decreasing her muscle atrophy.
Jenna was also doing her damndest not to use the internet on her phone to look up how much either the cycle or her powerchair had cost them. It was just one more thing she did not want to know.
That last sixty seconds was torture, pushing Jenna past her limit, but she was not giving up. She needed to be strong for when Jack returned.
The rumble of a motorcycle outside their house had Lilly looking in the direction of the front window in derision. She’d grown used to the sounds in the months since she’d practically moved into the house, but she’d never grown to like them. She was fond of saying something along the lines of,“I will never understand yours and Jackie’s obsession with those death traps!”
Lilly didn’t need to get it, though. The bike meant freedom, it meant solace. To someone like Lilly who hated motorcycles and thought them unnecessarily dangerous, Jenna would never be able to explain the tranquility she found on the back of Jack’s bike.
As early as the end of February and all the way through the start of the winter snow, motorcycles could be heard around the property. Like someone who lived next to train tracks, Jenna barely heard the rumbles of the engines anymore.
Butthisone she knew.
Jenna hit the emergency Stop button for the bike, halting all stimulation to her legs and the rotation of the pedals.
“Jenna, what?—”
“It’s Jack,” she answered softly, not waiting for Lilly to finish her question. A myriad of emotions swelled up inside her, and for a moment, Jenna wasn’t able to breathe.
Grief, anger, fear, hope, anxiety, love, anger again… They swirled inside her like a cyclone. She was under no delusion that this would be a happy reunion.
For twenty years, Jenna lived with the unknown of Jack’s deployments. The constant worry that today would be the day she would have to tell her kids that their father wasn’t coming home. And every time he did. She stood by him for every deployment, every promotion, every injury, every uncertainty. The day he’d received his retirement papers was one of the happiest days of her life, because it meant they would never be separated again.
Forevermore, it would be her and Jack. Always together, always at each other’s side.
Until their daughter was taken from them.
There was no rulebook for grief. No one person reacted the same. For some, it was immediate and debilitating. For others, it took time and then something seemingly random would trigger them. The five stages weren’t wrong. There was denial, bargaining, anger, depression, and acceptance. Regardless of the order, for some, they transitioned through them smoothly. They processed, grieved, and moved on.
