I roll my eyes. “And if they’re such good writers, what did they come up with, then?”
Liliana tenses again, her palm pressing down into the paper. “One of them is writing a story about two star-crossed lovers from the 1600s being reborn, with one love interest having all their memories intact and the other being oblivious to their past. My stuff isn’t even half as good.”
“Don’t sell yourself short.”
“I’m serious.” She sits back into her chair, letting the red stained paper free. “The best outline I came up with was about two people who meet at a party. I got a comment saying I should be more serious if I want to be in the writing program.”
Anger for her rises in my chest and I scoff. “That’s not even feedback. It’s just mean. I didn’t realize writers had snobs in their classes, too.”
It’s as if she doesn’t hear a word I’m saying. She waves her hand dismissively.
“They majored in literature. They know better. The outline was horrible.”
“It’s not so black and white. If I listened to everything people have said about my art, I wouldn’t be pursuing it.”
Liliana opens her mouth but quickly closes it without saying anything.
My high school art teacher told me children’s illustration was a career for artists who aren’t good enough to make it in other spaces. She didn't teach me much about actual technique, but from her I learned that labelling yourself as an artist doesn’t mean you have the heart of one.
From how Liliana’s entranced by her own work, carefully scanning over what she’s written and how it’s perceived, I know she has heart. Fine arts aren’t for the weak. You don’t go into a master’s program you don’t care for.
Everything I’ve gathered about Liliana, in the context of our classes and project, comes to mind. She’s holding herself so close to structure that she’s distancing herself from her creativity.
“There is no right or wrong way to create art. Just because they tell you something is bad, doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Use whatever outline you want.” I motion towards the papers she glances at like they’re about to jump at her. “And rely on your own creativity to take you to the end. Throw out the rules.”
“That’s the whole point of a rubric.”
“Rubrics were made to evaluate someone’s ability to listen, not to create. Do you think Beatrix Potter followed a rubric when she created Peter Rabbit?”
“What- I’m sorry, who?”
I breathe out heavily and close my eyes. It feels like no matter where I go, I’m trying to fight a battle of convincing people art is meant to be absorbed, not graded, and somehow that’s bled into this too.
Pushing the textbook towards Liliana, I say, “You should read this. It was a good textbook for you to pick. The romanticism art movement is about artists prioritizing their own imagination over traditional art structure.”
At the word “textbook” her eyebrows raise, and she leans closer to the book that had no value to me until Friday.
I’m thinking about other ways I can encourage her, convince her to give her own creativity a chance without curriculum and classroom rules, when a steaming cup is placed in front of me.
“I have a matcha latte for you, Grant.” A pale hand reaches over and sets a cup in front of Liliana, too. “And an iced hazelnut for you, Lil.”
Lil?
Her red-haired coworker I constantly see whispering things in Liliana’s ear throws a smirk at me. I’ve wondered before if there was something between them. If there is, and this is his way of telling me, I’ll respect it.
I’ll think about it for hours before I fall asleep tonight, beating myself up over every choice I made leading up to this moment, but I’ll respect it.
Her hand reaches up and pinches his hip. He jumps back, and they laugh together, and I force a smile.
“Kam, go away,” she says through pressed teeth. If I wasn’t straining my neck to catch every word, I probably would’ve missed it.
“What? I just wanted to stop by and leave some drinks for you guys.” Kam wiggles his eyebrows and turns to Liliana.
She groans, but her smile contradicts her.
“Please, go away.”
“And miss the fun?” He pops his hand on his hips and looks me up and down. “Have you told him about critique group on Monday? Maybe he can help you with that too.”
