“I’m not even surprised. I’m leaving.”
“Lily-” A hand grabs my forearm, burning.
“Stop.” My voice is laced with the anger that’s been festering. “Stop touching me andstopcalling me Lily.” His grip releases immediately, retracting into himself. When I hop out of the chair and gather the courage to look at him, his eyebrows are stitched together, a frown spreading across his face.
Good.
“My name is Liliana.”
“I know.” Grant is quieter, like speaking softly will make me less annoyed or hurt. It doesn’t.
“You just pretend not to know my name?”
“I wasn’t pretending. Lily is the nickname I’ve always called you. It’s cute.”
“It’s not.”
His broad shoulders fall and during the few seconds he’s staring at the floor, I ask myself if I’m being too direct. I shake away the feeling as soon as it comes.
Grant’s arm reaches out towards me again but drops before making contact.
“What did I do?”
He sounds fragile, head drooping. Maybe someone more naïve would let the guilt eat at them, but I refuse to be made a fool of twice.
“You forgot.” Again.
“Forgot what?” I take a deep breath and bite the inside of my lip. Grant sits up. “Seriously, what? Whatever it is, I didn’t forget. I wouldn’t have.”
My mouth opens to tell him the fact he’s not putting it together shows how little it meant to him, but Grant doesn’t let me get a word in.
“I remember everything about you. Liliana Kahale. Your fun fact on the first day of class was that, during summer, you visited your grandma on O’ahu. You color-coordinate your hair accessories to every outfit you wear, and when you get nervousyou twirl your pen or bite your nails.” His words become steadier. “I don’t know what I did, but I know it wasn’t forgetting about you.”
The heat gathered in my cheeks has spread to every part of my body. It’s a mix of everything Grant has ever made me felt, with doubt being at the forefront.
It’s hard to forget what he’s done when I’m living in a perpetual state of failure. It’s like a constant reminder of that day, except there’s no crying my way out of it, and no full-ride scholarship to support me when it goes south.
I can’t play this back and forth with him anymore. I agreed to this because there was something in it for me, not so I can be catapulted back to the days I’ve tried to scrub from my mind. If he needs me to spell it out for him, I will.
“The final, Grant. You forgot our comms final. You left me there, alone.”
I see it hit him in real time. His determined expression shifts, bursting into shock and a dropped jaw. He stands, tall frame hovering over me while his hands lift between us.
“Fuck, Lily- Liliana. About that…” Grant shakes his head. “I am so, so,so, sorry.”
I laugh at the absurdity of it. He’s sorry now?
“Really? That’s new.”
“You’re right.” One of his hands covers his face, sighing. “You’re so right for being upset with me. There was so much I meant to tell you about that day, but the right time never came.”
My eyes roll. As if he doesn’t come into my workplace every week, talks to me over the counter about his stupidly complicated latte, and then sits at the same seat scrolling through his phone.
“Yeah, because you couldn’t have apologized to me when it happened? Or after the fact? Or one of the days you’ve beensitting here no more than twenty feet away from me?” Bitterness gathers at the base of my throat. I don’t try to swallow it down.
Grant deflates dramatically. Body slumping, head hanging, arms limp at his side.
“I’m so sorry for that, too.”
